Are You F.A.T?

It is no secret that having loads of potentials does not always translate into being successful. Being the best student in your class or the most hard working person in your organization does not mean you are going to be the most successful or emerge as the company CEO. Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, “Outliers”, observed that many people who won the Nobel Prize were not geniuses. They had just enough IQ to get them into college. Also, talent shows like the American Idol, show that the most talented artist is not always crowned the winner. This certainly shows that success is cumulative and it takes more than talent to succeed. People who succeed have a rugged and unwavering commitment to their cause. They are Focused, Available and Trainable (F.A.T)? If you’ve got talent, you may want to apply the F.A.T principle in getting to the next level. Let’s take a look at the F.A.T principle more closely:

Are you Focused? – A friend gave me an analogy one day on the power of focus – he said when you sprinkle water on the ground, it doesn’t take long for the effect to disappear, but when you pour water on a particular spot, you cannot deny the impact that was created. Similarly, when you pursue a lot of ideas and dreams at once, each one of them will only dissipate your energy and you find out that you are not outstanding in any. Think of any successful company, you will notice that what made them successful initially was a single product. For example, Coca Cola is mainly known for it’s star brand Coke. Prioritize your dreams, the success of one dream will birth all your other dreams. When you focus on your focus you will one day become the focus of the world’s admiration.

Available and Able – No matter how talented you are, you must be willingly, available and ready to put in the required hours to turn your dreams to reality. Bear in mind that it is possible to be talented and still be mediocre in performance, if you are complacent. You also need to be realistic about what your strengths and weaknesses are. Steve Jobs is a firm believer that you will excel and what you love to do. When you are putting a ton of hours, the pain you feel is the one that drives you to be better and not burned out. Malcolm Gladwell, argues that there is a very thin line in performance between ability and availability, if over 10,000 hours have been deployed to a particular craft or profession.

Trainable – Are you trainable? Are you a filled glass? It’s only a thirsty person that seeks to quench his thirst. You do not know it all. According to Michael Dell, "If you are the smartest person in the room, you are probably in the wrong room". Time and time again studies have shown that a person’s attitude can make or break, regardless of how talented you may be. If you are willing to learn, people will show up and help you get to where you need to be. There is no point in re-inventing the wheel. If you want to go up, humble yourself and ask for help from mentors. Asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness. A wise man knows what he knows and develops his weak areas by associating with people who are smarter than himself. When you stand on the shoulder of a giant you see further.

Your best days ahead of you! Stay focused. Make yourself available. Be humble – there is something you can learn from everyone. Yeah we have all made mistakes and made wrong decisions. That’s okay. Take the mishaps as your schooling period and move on. Get back on your feet. The world is waiting on you to make your impact. You are here, you are valuable and you matter! Make it count!

What do you think? I'd love to hear your views and if you like this article please do share it with others.

Photo Credits: Joe Na

If...

If you had only a day left on earth, what would you do?

If you were to be recognized for one thing, what would it be?

If you could be granted one thing in life except money,  what would it be?

If you were to decide how to spend your last day, what would you do?

If you could only do one thing your entire life, what would you do?

If you could invent anything that currently doesn't exist, what would it be?

If you could relive a day in the past, what day would that be?

If you could say only one word, what would you say?

If you had to sacrifice your life for one thing, what would it be?

The quality of the questions we ask ourselves determine the quality of life we live. While asking the right questions is only a start, we should do something about the answers we come up with. For example,"If you were to be recognized for one thing, what would it be?". I want to be known as someone who makes a positive difference in peoples lives. I want to be known as someone who adds value - a nutrient and not a weed. I am sure many you have the same aspirations, but what are you doing about it. Before you think of changing the world, whose world are you making a difference in right now- your family, neighbors, co-workers or even strangers?  Little drops of water is what makes an ocean. Think globally but act locally. According to Thomas Edison, Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. There is never a perfect time or place to start, the best time is now. 

There are some If questions that are not worth asking because there is nothing  you can do about them. For such, you need to pray this out loud - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.. If questions can be powerful, they help bring to light what we value most. We produce results, when we focus on the things that matter most to us. The time to act is now, lets go.

What every girl needs to know about her BF's friends

I have the opportunity of meeting, mentoring and counseling a lot of dynamic people. I found some recurring  themes and I thought sharing this information would help someone out there.

You are having the time of your life and probably believe you have met the man of your dreams. Not seeing your loved one for a day seems unthinkable and  feels like eternity. One thing you may have forgotten is that, he had a life before he met you. I know you had one too and thats why it is important for the health of the relationship that your worlds do not merge into one. It is a great idea to follow the wise advice that suggests you  should be close enough to keep each other warm and far enough not to burn each other out in your relationships.

Relationships are not crutches, rather, they are like wings that take us to another level. To be honest, I do not know too many people who enjoy the company of a needy person. I know you mean the world to your mate but give each other  room to breathe. Your partner cannot miss you if you are always there. Some couples have a tendency to isolate themselves from their friends which eventually bites them in the end. Remember no one can meet all your needs, each of you still need other people in your lives in other for your relationship to be balanced. It is never too late to start rebuilding the bridges you may have burned. If the bridge is intact, ensure you strengthen it. A good way to strengthen such bridges is to have a healthy rapport with your BF's friends. Friends have substancial influence over us and they can help during rocky times when you or your BF seeks advice from their inner circle. I have heard  of several broken relationships and engagements because friends who were left out of or ignored when the couple had their good times refused to  be peacemakers when things got out of hand.

The truth is, we all want to be around and hold onto things and people we love but when it becomes excessive, it causes our loved ones to withdraw rather than draw close to us. When people come together to establish any form of relationship, it is wise to share each others worlds rather than one party taking it over. 

When I Meet The One...

Can one person be everything to you in a relationship? Can a single individual play the role of friend, parent, lover, mentor, doctor, confidant, gym partner, mind reader, and legal adviser? A dentist cannot help you with bone or joint problems. He would rather leave the final judgment to a specialist in that field.

Many of us are in a constant search for the “right” person, place, or thing and think when we get him, her, or it all will be well with us. However, the truth is, no one person or thing can meet all our needs and solve all our problems. That is far too heavy a load for any one person to carry. This expectation may have ruined many potential relationships because they did not fit our picture of “The One.”

It is important that we let people care for us in the areas where they naturally excel and not where we expect their support. Having this mind- set will save us from this endless search and will open our hearts to let a variety of people be a blessing to us and be blessed by us, thus relieving the stress or burden on any one person.

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The Number One Thing You Must Never Give Away

I am sure you are wondering what the number one  thing you must never give away is. I'll go straight to the point. Self esteem/confidence/worth is the number one thing you must never give away. For example, if the only time you ever feel good about yourself is when someone pays you a compliment then you have let other person determine how you feel and how your day will go. You do not need anyone's permission to be yourself. You are destined for great things. You are a star and the number one thing that stars do is shine! No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. The way you see yourself comes largely from your identity. The good news is that identities are never written in ink. The day you discover that is the day you become free. Do not let your past experiences or background be a set back for you, rather let it set you up for bigger and better things. President Mandela did not let what other people's opinion of him crush his dream of seeing a free and united South Africa.  

What's your foundation? The strength of a building is dependent on its foundation. If the foundation is weak, the house will not stand when the storm comes. Where do you derive your identity from? Remember beauty will fade, a good degree or family name does not solve all life's problems. There are three things that will last forever; Faith, Hope & Love. The greatest of these is love. Mandela fought for it and he will forever be remembered.

What's your Gangnam Style ?

PSY, the South Korean pop artist made history this week. His viral song, Gangnam Style, is the most liked video on youtube with over 1 billion views and counting. It holds the Guinness World Record of most viewed on youtube  . The UN Secretary General, Ban Ki Moon, hailed the song as a "force for world peace". It has inspired many parodies such as the Oregon Duck and the US Navy. Gangnam Style brought Korea to the center of the world. Who would have thought a non english song with cheesy lyrics from South Korea would have reached No 1 in numerous countries including France, Germany, Australia, and the UK. It subsequently won the best video at the MTV Europe Music Awards?

Some might argue about the intellectual content of Gangnam style, but what makes Gangnam style so special? It is not just the lyrics or unique dance moves but the conception of an idea to its execution. The following are my favorite lessons from Gangnam Style:

1. My friend told me the other day "Practice like you would play". A similar military phrase is  "Train like you would fight" -  The dance steps in Gangnam style though looks simply but PSY spent thirty nights trying to figure out and perfect an appropriate dance for his song. PSY put his best into his project.
2. Let yourself loose -   PSY had an opinion about the life style of the people in Gangnam, a city in South Korea and looked for a creative way to tell his story. PSY could have said it was a no brainier or who would care about an unheard district in Seoul, but he did it anyway. He found a way to tell his story in a way that  captured his audience. He showed us that an idea does not have to be too intellectual to win over almost a billion views.  Similarly, what makes you different is what sets you apart in the market place. 
3. Talent is colorless - Over 810 million views!  Gangnam Style was not written in the languages where its currently most celebrated. It was a hit all over the world. This song is a good confirmation that we should always accept our individuality and express our originality. PSY has been interviewed by Ellen Degeneres and several other show hosts
4. Go where you are celebrated - Not everyone is going to like or support your idea and that is okay. When Gangnam was released in Japan, it was met with negativism but the rest of the world had a different opinion. PSY went to where his fans were and did not try to convince his critics. Similarly,  It is important that we do not base quality of our ideas or products on the opinion of others.
5. Success is cumulative  - Champions are not made in the ring but recognized in it. PSY had been working hard but this song made everything worth it.
6. Opportunity favors the prepared - Psy was ready for the world stage and when Scoot Braun, American Talent Manager, who discovered Justin Beiber approached him, he said "Sign me up". 
7. Just Do It - Your idea is probably not a Gangnam Style but there is a dream in you that  wont go away. Your idea is your passport to the world. Why not take that bold step and try it out? Remember to practice like you would play. The backstage is for preparation and the front stage is for manifestation.  One day the world would shine its eyes on you, so you better be prepared when the opportunity knocks.

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It's Not Worth It

You have worked so hard and finally it has started to pay off. You are the rising star in your organization and your opportunities seem endless. Being the "go to" person comes with a lot of responsibility and an intense pressure to maintain the status quo . If we can take a que from history, sports and hollywood celebrities tend to do whatever it takes to maintain all the praise, fame and honor society pours on them. The attention they receive is like a drug and it is intoxicating.  These once innocent and hard working celebrities start cutting corners, move into drugs and do whatever is necessary to be number one. This concept does not apply only to celebrities but to anyone who holds any record of success.

History has shown that having positional leadership coupled with core values is a winning formula.  The combination of both is what makes great leaders.  Recently, General Patrieus, one of the greatest leaders of our nation had to give up his leadership position on moral grounds. There is no doubt that society has unrealistic expectations and is at times unforgiving of high achievers when they err. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and so many other "greats" in their fields have one time or the other slipped. Thankfully, some of them have been able to get back on track but many did not have the opportunity to rebuild and regain the public trust bestowed on them.

There is a seed of greatness in everyone of us but the real question is, what structures are we putting in place to ensure we do not compromise on the very principles that got us to the top in the first place? One potential solution is to have 911-relationships. These kind of relationships would ensure that you are accountable and stay on track. Anyone or organization can become successful but very few are able to withstand the pressure that comes with success. Are you going to trade your family name, reputation and earned success for a temporary hype of fame? Being a person of integrity is not a talent, it is a hard decision we have to make each day. Success at whatever the cost is not worth it.

How to lose a friend

These days the word friend has really been watered down. The advent of social media and technology has created many virtual relationships. Many of these relationships lack depth and often crumble when tested. One of the best gifts of life is having  great friends. Friends are like warm blankets when the world gets cold on us. Some relationships will come and go but your true friends are for life. Friendship is a heart thing. True friends bring out your best and like precious metals, they add value to you.  It is true we all want good friends, but do we have what it takes to keep them. My mum always told me to be the friend I wanted to have.  So how can great relationship go from great to flat? Gossip separates the best of relationships. You don't gossip about your friends, it should end with you. Don't spread the flames, kill it. Gossip destroys trust which is the basis and foundation of any relationship. If your friend does something wrong, your role is minimize the damage and not leave them outside to dry. A true friend stabs you in front and never at the back.

Envy and  jealousy have destroyed many good relationships. It is not healthy to be jealous of your friends. I know we are human and the thoughts come to all of us, but it becomes a problem if you start acting out your envy by attacking your friends or silently rejoicing when things don't work out for them. A friend of mine once told me that you do not envy want you want to become. If you are uncontrollably envious of your friends, it is a testament of your insecurities that you have to deal with. Great friends are to build each other up and not tear each other down. My friends success is my success and vice versa.

Are you the kind of person who holds grudges and always reminds your friends of their weaknesses? No one wants to be around someone who reminds them of things they have done wrong. A mark of great relationships is forgiveness. I am not endorsing letting repeated behavior be ignored, that in itself is unhealthy. Whatever you reward will be repeated. 

Do you tell your friends the truth? Many people either through fear of hurting  or loosing a relationship, do not tell their friends the absolute truth. It is your responsibility to tell your friend the truth, it is not your responsibility to manage their response.  True friends tell you the truth even when you dont want to hear it. If you dont tell them, you will loose them when they find out from someone else.

Finally, your friends are not magicians. If there is something that is important to you that can help your relationship, let your friends know. One of the greatest poisons of any relationship is having too much expectation from anyone person. Great relationships are developed when both parties focus on what they can give rather than what they can get.

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How to wear the right labels

I heard a true-life story about John. He had to be moved to a special class in school because he was labeled as slow. John recalled that his friends called him names like stupid, idiot, and slow during break times. Fortunately, about two weeks later, it was discovered that John had an eye problem and not a learning disorder. John got his thick glasses, and he was back in his old class. One would assume that things went back to normal for John, but he said his vision had been fixed, but not his heart. All the negative labels had taken a hold of him. John said though he was now a grown man with kids, he still felt slow a times and out of place. John's story illustrates first hand, how the power of wearing the wrong labels can impact our professional and personal lives.

Like John, everyone one of us has been labelled at some point in our lives. The impact labels have on us, depend on how we are able to respond and deal with our accusers. The truth is, we cannot stop people from labeling us, but we can control the effect it has on our lives. People might have called you stupid, fat, ugly, dumb, unworthy, trash, useless, etc, but the important thing is how you see yourself. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. It is time to take back the power you have given your labelers, by living the life you were born to live. No one has the final authority over your life but you. It is not wise to make someone else's opinion your facts. Do you know that you are smart, bright, funny, cool, beautiful, adorable, worthy, valuable, problem solver, a gift,  a great friend and wonderful manager. Before you get carried away, there is one thing you have to do. In order to wear your new labels, you have to take off the old ones. How do you do that? You have to forgive your ignorant labelers, and release them in your mind. You have to forgive yourself and be prepared for a fresh start. Start seeing yourself in a new light by saying the right things about yourself (see me and my big mouth). Never call yourself awkward, dumb, fat, or all those negative things. You are not all that, you are more than that. You are a gift to this world and your existence is proof that you have something to offer. Say it, believe it and live it.

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Scam Alert - Beware of 419 During This Season

Christmas is a season for shopping and scammers are also on the look out for your money. I posted my old DLSR camera on Craigslist to help off set the cost of getting a new one. The next morning I received  a message from Randy expressing interest in my camera. I was so excited, it seemed it was going to be  a quick sale. I verified my advertised information was accurate and Randy asked for my Paypal email which I sent. He sent me an email saying I should check my spam folder and I would see an email from paypal. I did see the email but there was an extra $100.00 more than my proposed sale amount. I asked Randy why he was giving me extra money and he said it was because he wanted it shipped urgently. I told him I would have to find out the cost of shipping which he responded that it will be $70.00. He told me he was sending the camera to his cousin for christmas and he sent me his address. I got a bit suspicious when I saw the name of his cousin and the country the mail was going to. Knowing that part of the world well, it was unlikely that the two would be connected but you never know. I told  Randy I was not comfortable sending a parcel outside the US and I would prefer to send it to him within the US. He told me he was not in the US. At this point I tried his number and it went to Google voice. My suspicions were kind of verified that I was dealing with an identity thief. I spoke with a few friends if they knew who I could report to but there were no obvious or easy places to go. Randy was not my real client, he was using someones identity. I had an option to close my eyes and send the camera, after all i had all the money but I couldn't bear the thought of supporting someone who was making  another persons  life miserable.

I spoke with a colleague about possible lines of action to take to stop the criminal. My colleague said most cases of fraud are that people are trying to take from you and not vice versa. This changed my strategy and I decided to call paypal. It was interesting to find out that the money my client claimed he had sent to me was not even there. The email I received from Paypal was forged but it looked pretty authentic to me. I decided to play along and told my client that I would not send the camera unless I received the money. He said I should not have called Paypal and he later threatened me that he will report me for not fulfilling my part of the bargain. My response, "Go ahead". I never heard back from Randy again.  I learned from this experience that while i was trying to protect my unknown neighbor, I was actually protecting myself. I also learned  sticking to my principles of working with Integrity even with a stranger over the internet  saved me a lot of money. Lessons to take away - Think again if you are to ship abroad from a craigslist and the number used cannot be reached directly. Make sure to call your bank or Paypal to verify that the money is in your account before shipping the item. Lastly, follow your intuition, if it does not feel right, don't do it.

I'll like to hear about your experiences 

Why You Should Stop Recycling in 2014

                                           

I recently moved to Oregon from California and as many would imagine, the weather was a big concern moving here. Few weeks in, I am actually enjoying the Portlandia experience. I had absorbed a lot of sunshine from California that will keep me going for a while. As a former graduate student in California, we had to manage the resources we had but moving into a new place necessitated we get a few things we could afford, one of which was a sofa. I was attached to the old one but we did not have much room to keep it, so we eventually donated it ( a form of recycling). My sofa had found a new home. Recycling can be beautiful because it ensures sustainability, conserves resources and eliminates waste. This is great when we think of natural resources, products or material items. Recycling on another note has prevented a lot of people from enjoying the new because they keep recycling old hurts, negative experiences and grudges in their minds. The problem with this is that it leads to emotional congestion.  These results in lack of productivity with symptoms such as frustration, depression, low self-worth and esteem, pessimism, and the whole nine yards. Just like I had to let go of my old sofa to create room for the new, we need to bring closure to the wounds we have been recycling for a very long time. It’s time to let it go if we want to enjoy the new. Not the basement or any other storage place, let it go.

If you’ve ever put in batteries into a remote control or any gadget, the manufacturers often advice not to mix old batteries with new ones in order to get optimum performance. Similarly, harboring the past contaminates the future. For example, imagine seeing a dead fly in your glass of water. You don’t recycle it, you eliminate it.  If you truly want to have a new year and not take any excess baggage with you from the past, then you have to have look within and ask yourself, “What do I have to stop recycling in my life? What are the things I need to have closure on? Who are the people I need to forgive or give a second chance. Who are the people in my life I have to say goodbye to? I know you may have attachments to the past because you have worked so hard and invested a ton, but you never know what you may be missing until the new arrives. I hope you stop recycling the past in 2014 and start the New Year with fresh rigor and expectation.

Pages of Life

Dr Myles Munroe said the grave is the richest place on earth because it carries within it dreams that never materialized. Who knows, a cure for HIV could have been discovered by someone who never got a chance or someone too scared to chase their dreams. There is usually an inscription on every tomb that has a summary of the deceased. An example is Albert Einsten, 14 March 1879 – 18 April 1955. The noted days are his birth and death dates and the rest of his life is represented with a hyphen. Similarly, our whole lives will be represented with a hypen when we are gone. The good news is, we have control of what the "-" description will be. I like Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote,"When you were born you were crying and everyone else was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone else is crying." What comes to mind if I mentioned Princess Diana, Steve Jobs, Mother Theresa? What about Saddam Hussein,Hitler and Idi Amin? The polar feelings you had are based on how these people made an impact in the world. How will your loved ones and the world remember you when you are gone? The important thing is not how many people remember you but the difference you make in your circle of influence. Life is more than going to college, working, paying bills and then die. Your life can have meaning and make an impact long after you are gone.

Do you realize that you are writing the pages of your life by the choices you make and the actions you take on a daily basis? If you saw your life history printed on the pages of a newspaper would you and your loved ones be proud of it? So, how does anyone live an impactful and significant life? The answer is pretty simple; ask yourself what you want to be remembered for and then take daily actions towards it. This exercise would enable you identify what is most important to you and help you stay on track.

You will be remembered either for the problems you created or the ones you solved. Choose wisely.

Before you say yes

 

The divorce rate in America is too high.  According to Brian K. Williams et al, - Marriages, Families & Intimate Relationships. About 50% of new marriages end up in divorce. People who get divorced believed at some point in their lives that their partner was the best thing that happened to them. It amazes how their love became their worst nightmare. I believe in the adage that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. That is why it is important to get it right rather than make it right. Not all dating relationships should end up in life time commitments. While the process of breaking up is painful, the experience often lives us stronger and wiser.  The process of dating is often a time to see how both parties are able to consolidate on their strengths and work out their differences. Couples who have a successful dating process have a higher chance of enjoying the rest of their lives together. A friend told me that her mum always reminded her that people are like coins. There is a great side and the not so fancy side. In order to be happy, you have to see both sides of a person and chose whether you can live with them happily without trying to change them. A relationship is like a house with many rooms. In other for the house to be live-able  the rooms have to be functional. The morale is this;  it is not wise to make a life time commitment to someone just on one factor. Hollywood shows us that it takes more than the bedroom to make a house a home. You need to check the friendship room, communication room, parenting room, forgiving room, personality room, purpose room, leadership room, etc.

Similarly, choosing a career is like finding a life long partner? The dating periods are your internships, classes or even your first job. The essence is to find out if it is a good fit for you.  There is no point in trying to force a dating relationship to be long term if it is not working. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. A sign of a good relationship includes being yourself and loving your partner shouldn't seem like solving a complex algebraic equation. Similarly, any job that does not support, develop and encourage who you are is certainly not worth it. If you have to change who you are in other to be accepted or fit in to your work environment, proves that you have a job and not a career. If that is the case, you may need to do the right thing and break up. If you choose to patch your career relationship, it is just a matter of time before the employer gives you the boot. You deserve the best. So, why take chances when you can have choices.

 Do not let your relationship become another statistic. In true love, there are no returns, refunds or exchanges. Don't rush or fall into love, it is a life time commitment. You need to go into it with both eyes open.

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Life is not Mathematics

How many times have you and I felt some pain because we blew an opportunity? It is a fact that you may not get an opportunity to make a second impression, so that's why it is better to get it right the first time. Similarly, It is better to not have an opportunity but be prepared, than have one and not be prepared. When preparation and opportunity meet, success is born. According to Confucius, " Success depends on previous preparation and without such preparation, there is sure to be failure." You may have felt you missed the last bus at some point in your life, but do not worry, the bend of a road is not the end of a road. Life can be likened to the GPS technology, because any time we miss my exit, it always comes up with a rerouted plan.  It may take longer to get there than anticipated, but it is the end that justifies the means.

There is more than one route to your destination. Where there is a will there is a way. The world always makes room for a person who knows where they are going. The Wright brothers were told their dream of making a plane would fail, but they followed their heart. You are not too young or old to pursue your dreams. If you think you have missed the last bus, start walking towards your destination. If you dont always want to start afresh, then you have to stop giving up or making excuses.

Life is not mathematics. Situations will not always go as you have planned, but do not get discouraged from giving your best.  Your opportunity to be recognized for all your hard work will come in form of a problem that only you can solve.  The gap between reality and expectation is a painful one, but when your time comes, the pain will become insignificant. Life's opportunities are not dated and when your moment comes you must be prepared to walk through It. It takes only a moment in time to move from zero to hero. I hope you will be prepared when that happens.

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Love at Work

In the words of Jimi Hendrix, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace”. People usually don't want to talk about love outside their families and loving relationships. The topic is considered mushy, soft and feminine in nature. At work, it is better seen than heard  and considered more of an HR role. I wonder if this is  because people do not know what love really means. So what is love?  I don’t believe there is any one universal definition for love because it means different things to different people. One thing is certain, everyone of us wants to love and be loved. The Message gives a good description of what love is all about:

Love never gives up

Love cares more for others than self

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have

love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the faults of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God Always

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,
But keeps going ahead

You can imagine what our workplaces and relationships would look like in 2013, if we adhere to these precepts. One of my favorite quotes from Gandhi is," Be the change you want to see in the world". Love is a verb. It is an action. Words and intentions without actions are never enough. Love is what makes a difference.

What ways can you show love at work?

Who are You?

Really, who are you? Lets do a quick exercise.  Close your eyes for 30 seconds and ask yourself, who am I? What image of yourself did you see? Did you like what you saw? What influenced what you saw in your mind? Was it your past, education, grades, family, trauma, beauty or other people's perception? Each and everyone of us is where we are today based on the decisions we have made. Our decisions are based on our self perception and awareness. It is crucial we discover who we are because it affects what we are capable of doing. Walt Disney closed his eyes and imagined Disney Land. Steve Jobs closed his eyes and he saw Apple. Martin Luther King closed his eyes and saw an America where people will be judged by the content of their character, and not the color of their skin.  Barack Obama was the product of his dream. When you close your eyes, what do you see? Barack Obama, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs had their challenges, but they refused to let them define who they are and who they can become. 

The bend of a road is not the end of the road. Life might have dished you some unfavorable cards, but your setback can be a stepping stone to your comeback. The question of who you are is a difficult one, but it is vital you find an answer to that question.  No one really knows your situation like you do so do not let other people define you by their yard sticks. When I faced the question (who are you), I read a book titled, "In Pursuit of Purpose" by Myles Munroe. I remember he mentioned that every thing that is made solves a problem. A pencil solves your writing needs, a chair solves your comfort needs, a lawyer solves your legal needs, and a doctor solves your health needs. Similarly, you are a solution to a cause or people some where. You are not part of the problem, you are a solution. You are meant to be celebrated and not endured. When you are on the wrong job, relationship or place, you always feel like a problem.

The way you are is because of why you are. Celebrate your individuality and express your originality. Regardless of what you have gone through, you need to start seeing a positive image of the real you.  There is no present without a past and you have the ability to rewrite your future. When you do that, you become like a precious metal that adds value where ever you are. You will apply for jobs you love to do and not the ones you think you can get. You become a people leader because you are able to relate with others. Who you are and who you are going to become is dependent on the decisions you make. When you discover who you are, you will see the best, give your best, and do your best.

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Just Before You Exit

Anyone who works out at the gym knows that whatever muscles you exercise regularly are the ones you see most results in. Similarly, quitting like winning is a skill. Whichever one you exercise more will eventually become a habit. These exercises (quitting or winning) started from when we were little. Remember that  almost impossible math homework that took you hours or days to figure out. What about walking out from a relationship  or someone during a conflict? We are always confronted with two choices either to perserve or give in. It is important to know that   letting go/exiting and quitting are not the same. It is wise to know when to let go rather than waste  precious time or valuable resources.

Is there ever a good time to quit? Zig Ziglar Author of Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do said "Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win". It is important to distinguish between quitting and taking an exit. Taking an exit occurs when you have considered and tried all options and then you come to an objective and informed decision. During a fire alarm, there are usually exit doors for people to escape. The use of these doors are often the last resort. The aftermath of such a decision is relief. Quitting on the other hand does not put all options on the table. The quitter views some options  as too much work and doesn't bother. The aftermath of quitting is often characterized by regrets (woulda-coulda-shoulda).  The quitter never wants to step out of their comfort zone and never knows what could have happened if they did. If you have considered all options and you have to let a job or a person go, you are not a quitter you have just taken an exit.

Winners have a tenacity to them. The difference between the ordinary and the extra-ordinary is the little extra. Winners keep trying new options till they get their desired results. No does not mean never to the winner, it probably means try again or not now. Winners keep keeping at it untill it works. Even when they have to exit, they always keep the door open, for they know they may have to come through that door some time in the future.

I'll like to hear your thoughts or experiences on quitting or letting go? 

How to Ace The Fall Quarter

Summer is over and Fall quarter is already seeming overwhelming. If you are like me, you may need a mental transition to get back into the groove of things. Fall offers so many distractions and opportunities to make things right again. I am sure some of you have realized that though you did not require much study during high school, college is an equalizer. The people who get A's are not necessary the best and brightest, but the ones who are prepared to pay due diligence and start the quarter right from day one. If you are ready to have a great  and fulfilling quarter, then I'll invite you to read on. To have a great quarter you can do the following:

1. Determine what your goals for the quarter are.  Write down your academic, relationship goals, sports, social and spiritual goals
2. Now determine the ones that are most important to you. I am guessing academics should be number one. You can list your priorities in the following order. - Highly Important & Urgent - Highly Important & Not Urgent, - Low Importance & Urgent, - Low Importance & Not Urgent. Your objective is to accomplish all the highly important things first before you move to the ones that have low importance. Proper time management is what separates the A students from the rest. 
3. Write down a daily plain on how you are going to achieve your goals for the above
4. It is important to make friends and have social activities but it is crucial that you understand yourself and know how much you can handle. Don't compare yourself with others, your friends may be able to be in 10 different groups, party, be in relationships and yet still get A's.
5. Association is key to inspiration. After you have determined where you want to go with your quarter, it is important you find a team of friends that will help you stay on track. When I wanted to improve my grades while in college, I found a group of people who where already where I wanted to be. These people had a positive influence in my life and they eventually became dear friends of mine. If you want to get better, surround yourself with smarter people. If this is going to work, you have to see yourself as a contributor to the group and not just an observer or drainer.
6. Get a mentor:  Look for people who can be of help such as faculty, TA's & older students. In choosing a mentor, choose someone you have a connection with and is willingly to help.Your mentors can help you through personal stuff and ensure you are fully engaged in school 
7. Play hard:  if you have worked hard then you need to play hard in order not to burn out.

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Not an Option

Recently I blogged about the newly crowned American Idol, Candice Glower. During one of her auditions Simon Cowell told her that at best she would be a lounge singer and sing in a hotel lobby and people will eat peanuts and turn their heads. Unlike many of us, Candice refused to let Simon's perception of her define who she was and who she was capable of  becoming. For Candice, failure was not an option and that kept her coming over and over still she won. I dare to say that when you find something you believe in and failure is not an option,  you have found what will you give your life meaning and significanse. You will cross seven oceans and climb fountains to get it. It is your heartbeat. If you are unwillingly to make sacrifices to get your dream, then you may want to check that you are following the right one. The joy that lies ahead is what gives you the motivation to fight for your dream. It keeps you late at night and pushes you to move on when others laugh and ridicule you. There are to many people who settle for less because they buckle under pressure. Pressure  reveals who you are during the tough times. Ask anyone who has achieved any meaningful success, and they will tell you so many more challenges they faced before reaching their goals. 

I do not know what you are going through but you cannot afford to quit. You may feel knocked out and that is okay, but you need to get up and try one more time. Silver and gold have to be refined through the furnace to become purer. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. You have come too far to  go back now. The bend of a road is not the end of a road. You are not in this world to be a spectator, you are in it to enjoy, live and win it. You have a great future ahead of you and it is worth fighting for. Winners never quit, You are a one.

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How to Prevent a Relationship Shutdown

Communication is the life blood of any relationship, once communication stops, your relationship begins to deteriorate. When you want to turn off your computer you are given the options - Standby, Turn off and Restart. These options are very similar to the options we have when we encounter difficulties in our personal and professional relationships. Each of these options have their consequences, but one that may be overlooked is the  cancel option.  This option enables you to think about the consequences of your action or inaction before you take a rash decision.   A good example of a "Turn Off" action is the recent US government shutdown. The House of Congress and the White House focused more on their differences and that resulted in a communication breakdown and resulted in almost a million people suffering for the poor decisions of their leaders. The divorce rate in America is about 50% and companies spend billions every year on managing conflict. It is no secret that your ability to get along with people you would rather avoid is critical to your success in both your personal and professional lives. When you meet people you like, you focus more on what you have in common. For those you would rather avoid, you tend to focus on your differences.  To stay connected with others, we have to train ourselves to focus on the good in others. I agree it may be difficult locating bright spots in some people, but if you find it, it will make your life a lot easier.

Depending on your personality, you will probably respond to tense situations differently. If your goal is to prevent your relationship from shutting down, it is important that you do not sweep situations under the carpet. Ignoring the elephant in the room will not make it go away, in fact, the elephant will destroy more things the longer its left wondering around. I hear you say, "I do not like confrontation" but the truth is, whatever you are unwillingly to confront never goes away. Mediums such as email, telephone can easily be escape routes but are more easily misinterpreted. A face to face, heart to heart conversation still works wonders. Remember you can prevent a shut down in your relationships by both sides compromising and not destroying it by finger pointing.