How to Apologize

How many times have your intentions being misunderstood by others and led to  anger, grudges and even broken relationships. I have been on that path before and this prompted me to investigate the proper way to apologize. Even the best communicators and well mannered people could offend others without realizing it. It is important that we learn the art of a good apology and hopefully that helps to restore and strengthen both or personal and business relationships. A good apology requires work because you have to prepare for the apology and hopefully you get a positive response from the other person.

According to Aaron Lazare, former dean and professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and author of the book on Apology, a good apology should contain the following:

1. An acknowledgement of the offense
2. An explanation of your actions
3. An expression of remorse
4. Some sort of reparation

Lazare says, " If you admit responsibility but don't say you regret anything, then you are justifying your actions. You are saying, Yes I did it but heres why. If you admit regret but not responsibility, thats an excuse." It is important that a good apology indicates ownership of what happened and also clear in admitting regret for what happened.  Of course a good apology has to have a heart to it and not just mechanical. According to Lazare, "I'm sorry if you got offended", " I'm sorry-ish" - are not apologies. Hugging it out or giving a hi five should only be suggested by the offending party.  Crying it out may be a little too much. Remember to maintain eye contact, avoid smiling so as not to water down what you are trying to do.

Giving someone a heartfelt  apology is an attribute of the strong and not of weaklings. It is a good and honorable thing to do. It has the power to restore broken relationships and make them stronger. Would you rather loose your pride or a great relationship? Do the right thing. The perfect time is now.

How an Introvert Can Be Happier... (2)

This a follow up from part 1

You might wonder if acting against your natural tendencies will wear you out eventually? Dr Zelenski said, " We didn't find a lot of evidence for the idea that acting like an extrovert will wear out introverts. However we found that acting like introverts wore out extroverts".  Prof Brian Little, a psychology professor at Cambridge, University in the United Kingdom, disagrees with Dr Zelenski's findings. He believes that acting out of character can take a psychological toll on the nervous and immune systems. He believes that an introvert who often has to engage in extroverted behavior, such as making speeches, in order to advance his work. Afterward, Dr little says he often needs to emotionally recharge.

Some researchers believe that genetics also plays a factor why people act the way they do. Luke Smilie, a senior lecturer of psychology at the university of Melbourne in Australia, brings in a different perspective and notes that most studies about introverts and extroverts take place in the US and other western countries where extroversion is often regarded to be valuable. Luke says, " Would you observe the same effects in cultures that didn't have this sort of value placed on being outgoing and assertive and so forth? he said   

Susan Cain, a corporate lawyer and the author of the book,"Quiet: the power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," which argues that introverts are unfairly maligned. Rather than trying to to get introverts to act more extroverted, she argues that society should be drawing on their natural strengths, which can include being a good listener and working creatively. 

How an Introvert Can Be Happier: Act Like ...(1)

On my flight from Atlanta, I saw an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal, titled, "How an Introvert Can Be Happier: Act Like an Extrovert". Below is an excerpt from the article.

Extroverts, those outgoing, gregarious types who wear their personalities on their sleeve, are generally happier, studies show. Some research also has found that introverts , who are more withdrawn in nature, will feel a greater sense of happiness if they act extroverted. Experts are not entirely sure why acting like extroverts makes people feel better. One theory is that being a talkative and engaging influences how people respond to you, especially if that response is positive. some studies have shown that extroverts are more motivated than introverts. Researchers believe this is due in part to extroverts greater sensitivity to dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a big role in behavior driven rewards. Others speculate that people get more satisfaction when they express their core opinions. "If you are introverted and act extroverted, you will feel happier. It doesn't matter who you are, it's all about what you do." said William Fleeson, a psychology professor at Wake forest University in Winston Salem, N.C.

Mr Powell disagrees with research findings that extroverts are happier and more motivated. Mr powell says that his source of happiness include learning and reading a good book. " I may not share my happiness as willingly as other people...but I consider myself just as happy  and I'm extremely motivated to learn  and grow as an individual."

So why don't introverts act like extroverts more often? John Zelenski a psychologist at Carleton University in Ottawa, and fellow researchers probed that question. Their findings "Introverts kind of underestimate how much fun it will be to act extroverted.

What do you think about the article about introverts needing to act like extroverts? Do extroverts ever need to act like introverts in order to be more balanced individuals?

Watch out for part 2!