How to Prevent a Relationship Shutdown

Communication is the life blood of any relationship, once communication stops, your relationship begins to deteriorate. When you want to turn off your computer you are given the options - Standby, Turn off and Restart. These options are very similar to the options we have when we encounter difficulties in our personal and professional relationships. Each of these options have their consequences, but one that may be overlooked is the  cancel option.  This option enables you to think about the consequences of your action or inaction before you take a rash decision.   A good example of a "Turn Off" action is the recent US government shutdown. The House of Congress and the White House focused more on their differences and that resulted in a communication breakdown and resulted in almost a million people suffering for the poor decisions of their leaders. The divorce rate in America is about 50% and companies spend billions every year on managing conflict. It is no secret that your ability to get along with people you would rather avoid is critical to your success in both your personal and professional lives. When you meet people you like, you focus more on what you have in common. For those you would rather avoid, you tend to focus on your differences.  To stay connected with others, we have to train ourselves to focus on the good in others. I agree it may be difficult locating bright spots in some people, but if you find it, it will make your life a lot easier.

Depending on your personality, you will probably respond to tense situations differently. If your goal is to prevent your relationship from shutting down, it is important that you do not sweep situations under the carpet. Ignoring the elephant in the room will not make it go away, in fact, the elephant will destroy more things the longer its left wondering around. I hear you say, "I do not like confrontation" but the truth is, whatever you are unwillingly to confront never goes away. Mediums such as email, telephone can easily be escape routes but are more easily misinterpreted. A face to face, heart to heart conversation still works wonders. Remember you can prevent a shut down in your relationships by both sides compromising and not destroying it by finger pointing. 

Stop Worrying About What Other People Think About You!

I used to worry a lot about other people's opinion about me and it resulted in me being a people pleaser though I remained unhappy. My turning point came when I discovered that in order to have any healthy and striving relationship, I had to be myself and more importantly, I had to accept my individuality and celebrate my originality. Many times when you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one. It is no secret that people are more interested in themselves and their issues rather than thinking about others. It is also unwise to spend more time on a critic than a friend.  If you have to act in a certain way or be someone else in other to fit into a group or get a friend then its not worth your time and effort. There are people out there who appreciate and see your uniqueness. Its not your responsibility to convince anyone to see the gem in you. 

Life is short, don't waste time worrying about what people think of you. Hold on to the ones that care, in the end they will be the only ones there. That said,  A lot of people these days are unwilling to accept feedback and forget that feedback is vital for growth in any relationship. Worry about your character and not your reputation, because your character is who you are, and your reputation is only what people think of you. 

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Its a New Day!

Its time to stop complaining about what could have been or what you had achieved in the past. There is no present without a past. Champions use their pasts as stepping stones to achieve their goals. No one can determine your future but you. It may be true that life may have dealt you the wrong set of cards but you can choose how you respond. Why don't you choose to start afresh. You may not be able to rewrite the past but you can rewrite the future.  Where there is a way, there is a will. You can do it!

How to Ace The Fall Quarter

Summer is over and Fall quarter is already seeming overwhelming. If you are like me, you may need a mental transition to get back into the groove of things. Fall offers so many distractions and opportunities to make things right again. I am sure some of you have realized that though you did not require much study during high school, college is an equalizer. The people who get A's are not necessary the best and brightest, but the ones who are prepared to pay due diligence and start the quarter right from day one. If you are ready to have a great  and fulfilling quarter, then I'll invite you to read on. To have a great quarter you can do the following:

1. Determine what your goals for the quarter are.  Write down your academic, relationship goals, sports, social and spiritual goals
2. Now determine the ones that are most important to you. I am guessing academics should be number one. You can list your priorities in the following order. - Highly Important & Urgent - Highly Important & Not Urgent, - Low Importance & Urgent, - Low Importance & Not Urgent. Your objective is to accomplish all the highly important things first before you move to the ones that have low importance. Proper time management is what separates the A students from the rest. 
3. Write down a daily plain on how you are going to achieve your goals for the above
4. It is important to make friends and have social activities but it is crucial that you understand yourself and know how much you can handle. Don't compare yourself with others, your friends may be able to be in 10 different groups, party, be in relationships and yet still get A's.
5. Association is key to inspiration. After you have determined where you want to go with your quarter, it is important you find a team of friends that will help you stay on track. When I wanted to improve my grades while in college, I found a group of people who where already where I wanted to be. These people had a positive influence in my life and they eventually became dear friends of mine. If you want to get better, surround yourself with smarter people. If this is going to work, you have to see yourself as a contributor to the group and not just an observer or drainer.
6. Get a mentor:  Look for people who can be of help such as faculty, TA's & older students. In choosing a mentor, choose someone you have a connection with and is willingly to help.Your mentors can help you through personal stuff and ensure you are fully engaged in school 
7. Play hard:  if you have worked hard then you need to play hard in order not to burn out.

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