Who are You?

Really, who are you? Lets do a quick exercise.  Close your eyes for 30 seconds and ask yourself, who am I? What image of yourself did you see? Did you like what you saw? What influenced what you saw in your mind? Was it your past, education, grades, family, trauma, beauty or other people's perception? Each and everyone of us is where we are today based on the decisions we have made. Our decisions are based on our self perception and awareness. It is crucial we discover who we are because it affects what we are capable of doing. Walt Disney closed his eyes and imagined Disney Land. Steve Jobs closed his eyes and he saw Apple. Martin Luther King closed his eyes and saw an America where people will be judged by the content of their character, and not the color of their skin.  Barack Obama was the product of his dream. When you close your eyes, what do you see? Barack Obama, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs had their challenges, but they refused to let them define who they are and who they can become. 

The bend of a road is not the end of the road. Life might have dished you some unfavorable cards, but your setback can be a stepping stone to your comeback. The question of who you are is a difficult one, but it is vital you find an answer to that question.  No one really knows your situation like you do so do not let other people define you by their yard sticks. When I faced the question (who are you), I read a book titled, "In Pursuit of Purpose" by Myles Munroe. I remember he mentioned that every thing that is made solves a problem. A pencil solves your writing needs, a chair solves your comfort needs, a lawyer solves your legal needs, and a doctor solves your health needs. Similarly, you are a solution to a cause or people some where. You are not part of the problem, you are a solution. You are meant to be celebrated and not endured. When you are on the wrong job, relationship or place, you always feel like a problem.

The way you are is because of why you are. Celebrate your individuality and express your originality. Regardless of what you have gone through, you need to start seeing a positive image of the real you.  There is no present without a past and you have the ability to rewrite your future. When you do that, you become like a precious metal that adds value where ever you are. You will apply for jobs you love to do and not the ones you think you can get. You become a people leader because you are able to relate with others. Who you are and who you are going to become is dependent on the decisions you make. When you discover who you are, you will see the best, give your best, and do your best.

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Are you a Pregnant Leader?

Today the world population is over 7 billion people and counting.  Our ability to reproduce after our kind has kept the human population growing, and prevented it from extinction. In essence, reproduction is what ensures growth and longevity. Similarly, it is crucial that leaders reproduce other leaders to ensure the continuity of their organizations. A wise man once said,"You can teach people what you know, but you can only reproduce who you are." The primary goal of leadership is not to have followers, but breed other leaders. Great leaders should never be content with having yes people around them, but they should surround themselves with people better than themselves.

According to John Maxwell, a leader without a successor is a failure. If you are doing great things in your organization and there is no one to continue your legacy, then what was the point of starting them in the first place? A leader's trophy is multiplying other leaders because that's what ensures a better future for the organization. Insecure leaders are often frightened, and look for ways to pull down their rising stars. Great leaders birth other leaders through coaching, mentoring, training and giving them opportunities, which sets them up for success. Insecure leaders on the other hand, keep growing followers. Take a look at any established home, organization or business, and you will find it has great leadership with a solid succession strategy. 

Are you a pregnant leader? Will your organization, team or business, survive and thrive after you are gone? Who are you grooming, mentoring or training?  Until what you know can be duplicated in someone else, you don't have a mastery of it yet. It is never too late, start today.

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Are you a star in waiting?

I was watching the news the other night, and there was a lot of media frenzy about the designer and dress Michelle Obama was going to wear for the President's inaugural dinner. Four years earlier, Michelle had defied the odds and chose a relatively unknown designer. Her action led to the birth of a new international designer, Jason Wu. Prior to his stardom, Jason was found of his pizza meals and the relative unknown corridors of the wannabes. Four years later, the First Lady of the United States, picked Jason Wu again. Jason was no longer a one hit wonder.

Okay, i get it. You are not interested in what Michelle Obama wore, but lets take a deeper look at her decision. Michelle chose to do what made her happy, rather than do what was expected of her. She knew the big name designers were once unknowns themselves. What made them great was because someone took a chance on them. Michelle's pick of Jason Wu did not make him an International designer, but it recognized him as one. Her pick was a great recognition of all his hard work and dedication for all his unknown years. Jason Wu was a star in waiting.

It can be frustrating when you have worked hard and it seems there is no return on your investments. Jason Wu knew better than to give up during such times. He knew the back stage was for preparation, and his future success was going to be determined by what he had done during those times. Jason gave everything he had to follow his dream and when the opportunity to get on stage came, he was ready. Like Jason, your time will come. When that time comes, the joy will be greater than all the years of sweat and pain. You are a star in waiting. Keep keeping on, you will make it.

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How to wear the right labels

I heard a true-life story about John. He had to be moved to a special class in school because he was labeled as slow. John recalled that his friends called him names like stupid, idiot, and slow during break times. Fortunately, about two weeks later, it was discovered that John had an eye problem and not a learning disorder. John got his thick glasses, and he was back in his old class. One would assume that things went back to normal for John, but he said his vision had been fixed, but not his heart. All the negative labels had taken a hold of him. John said though he was now a grown man with kids, he still felt slow a times and out of place. John's story illustrates first hand, how the power of wearing the wrong labels can impact our professional and personal lives.

Like John, everyone one of us has been labelled at some point in our lives. The impact labels have on us, depend on how we are able to respond and deal with our accusers. The truth is, we cannot stop people from labeling us, but we can control the effect it has on our lives. People might have called you stupid, fat, ugly, dumb, unworthy, trash, useless, etc, but the important thing is how you see yourself. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. It is time to take back the power you have given your labelers, by living the life you were born to live. No one has the final authority over your life but you. It is not wise to make someone else's opinion your facts. Do you know that you are smart, bright, funny, cool, beautiful, adorable, worthy, valuable, problem solver, a gift,  a great friend and wonderful manager. Before you get carried away, there is one thing you have to do. In order to wear your new labels, you have to take off the old ones. How do you do that? You have to forgive your ignorant labelers, and release them in your mind. You have to forgive yourself and be prepared for a fresh start. Start seeing yourself in a new light by saying the right things about yourself (see me and my big mouth). Never call yourself awkward, dumb, fat, or all those negative things. You are not all that, you are more than that. You are a gift to this world and your existence is proof that you have something to offer. Say it, believe it and live it.

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Feedback = Growth

I remember a near miss incident that happened to me over a decade ago. I was driving within town when suddenly I heard someone hunking intensley. I saw a man on a motor bike and decided to park. I had mixed emotions when I approached the person to find out why the hunking was deafening. The biker said I nearly knocked him off and he went to town about it. After inquiring about his health and found out that he was not hurt, I contended his argument because I am very meticulous about checking my mirrors. On speaking with my dad about the issue, he said the biker was probably in my blind spot. I learned a vital lesson that day. Contrary to popular belief, what you do not know can hurt you.

Everyone one us has a blind spot and not getting feedback from trusted friends or colleagues could hurt us on the long run. I know many people are often afraid to solicit feedback because they feel it is biased or it may bring up some issues they are not prepared to deal with. Feedback is a gift because it helps us to reinvent ourselves and become better in the process. Feedback lets us know what we excel at and ensures we keep at it. Feedback is what measures how much you have grown and improved over a certain period. Just like a mirror gives feedback about how you look and gives you the opportunity to make adjustments, such is the power of feedback from a trusted friend. Feedback is a gift. Make the most of it.

Who is giving you feedback on your blind spots?

Speaking Your Team's Language

According to Nelson Mandela, "When you speak to a man in a language he understands, it goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart". Great leaders touch people's hearts before they ask for their hands. Every team has a language and a good leader has to be able to speak the language of the team in order to be very productive. While english may be the communication medium at your workplace, it should not be the only language your team speaks. A team that speaks one language is being held captive while a team that speaks diverse languages is an engaged team. A captive leader leads his team only by rules and regulations while an engaged leader leads his team by rules, regulations but most importantly by having a relationship with each team mate.

As a former TA Consultant at UC Davis, I discussed with my clients about various ways to engage their classroom. Based on research studies and experience with my clients, I found that teaching that focused on a particular learning style alienates more students than those that were diverse. In order to engage a classroom, an audience or your team, a team leader must be able to become all things to the team without loosing his identity. A great team leader individualizes his teammates and knows those that require coaching, mentoring, training, development and those that require independence. A great team leader makes an effort to know what his team mates care about (names of loved ones, hobbies, sports etc). A good team leader is close enough to inspire his crew and far enough to lead them. Using the same leadership style on everyone is like saying everyone from a particular country all look the same. Ouch! Knowing your team is hard work, but if it is valued productivity you are after, it is worth every effort. This way, your team will see you as a person and not just a position.

Do you speak your team language(s)?

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Pages of Life

Dr Myles Munroe said the grave is the richest place on earth because it carries within it dreams that never materialized. Who knows, a cure for HIV could have been discovered by someone who never got a chance or someone too scared to chase their dreams. There is usually an inscription on every tomb that has a summary of the deceased. An example is Albert Einsten, 14 March 1879 – 18 April 1955. The noted days are his birth and death dates and the rest of his life is represented with a hyphen. Similarly, our whole lives will be represented with a hypen when we are gone. The good news is, we have control of what the "-" description will be. I like Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote,"When you were born you were crying and everyone else was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone else is crying." What comes to mind if I mentioned Princess Diana, Steve Jobs, Mother Theresa? What about Saddam Hussein,Hitler and Idi Amin? The polar feelings you had are based on how these people made an impact in the world. How will your loved ones and the world remember you when you are gone? The important thing is not how many people remember you but the difference you make in your circle of influence. Life is more than going to college, working, paying bills and then die. Your life can have meaning and make an impact long after you are gone.

Do you realize that you are writing the pages of your life by the choices you make and the actions you take on a daily basis? If you saw your life history printed on the pages of a newspaper would you and your loved ones be proud of it? So, how does anyone live an impactful and significant life? The answer is pretty simple; ask yourself what you want to be remembered for and then take daily actions towards it. This exercise would enable you identify what is most important to you and help you stay on track.

You will be remembered either for the problems you created or the ones you solved. Choose wisely.

Me and My Big Mouth!

Do you feel stressed, depressed or anxious all the time? Have you tried every trick in the book but nothing seemed to work? Before you give in and accept it as your fate, there is one more thing you can try. It is called confessions. I know it sounds ridiculous. Have you noticed that any time you talk about some thing you are really excited about you feel the energy going through you? Similarly, when you are talking about negative experiences you feel sad because it seems like you are reliving the experience. Simply put, what we say with our mouths has an affect on our lives. Some people say their job is the most boring thing or their boss is the worst ever. Guess what? That is what happens. Your words have programmed the rest of your body to believe what you say. So, do I shut up and say nothing if that's what I am feeling? Not exactly. The answer lies in our thoughts. I am sure you remember the quote by Tao Tse, it  reads, "Watch your thoughts they become your words, watch your words they become actions, watch your actions they become your habits and watch your habits they become you". In summary, to control your words you need to take charge of your thoughts.

We live in an imperfect world and you can either choose to focus on all the bad in the world or  on the wonderful things. It is a choice you have to make. I agree there are situations or people who seem to be giants in our lives but for every battle, there is always victory ahead, if we have the right perspectives. You may not be able to stop negative thoughts flying over your head but you can stop them from building mountains of fear or depression. When that negative thought comes to your mind about yourself, job, boss, colleagues, partner etc, don't just shrug it off, choose to think a positive thought and say it. Examples include - "I feel great. It is going to be a great day. Things will workout for me". Once you win the battle in your mind, your tongue will follow.

Love at Work

In the words of Jimi Hendrix, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace”. People usually don't want to talk about love outside their families and loving relationships. The topic is considered mushy, soft and feminine in nature. At work, it is better seen than heard  and considered more of an HR role. I wonder if this is  because people do not know what love really means. So what is love?  I don’t believe there is any one universal definition for love because it means different things to different people. One thing is certain, everyone of us wants to love and be loved. The Message gives a good description of what love is all about:

Love never gives up

Love cares more for others than self

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have

love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the faults of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God Always

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,
But keeps going ahead

You can imagine what our workplaces and relationships would look like in 2013, if we adhere to these precepts. One of my favorite quotes from Gandhi is," Be the change you want to see in the world". Love is a verb. It is an action. Words and intentions without actions are never enough. Love is what makes a difference.

What ways can you show love at work?

Happy New Year !

Wishing you a  prosperous and fruitful New Year!
May all your dreams and aspirations come true.
This is your year !  Let's get it started.