Thank You

Dear Readers,

Thank you for taking out time to read and comment on my blog. You make blogging worth it. Thank you! I hope to write more exciting and dynamic posts that will make a difference in your personal and professional lives. If you like what you read, come on board and join the community by subscribing. Feel free to pass any postings that you like to your friends and more importantly, I will like to hear your stories and what potential issues you want me to write about.

Once again, thank you for visiting my blog and have a beautiful and prosperous New Year.

Cheers,

Richard

It's Not Worth It

You have worked so hard and finally it has started to pay off. You are the rising star in your organization and your opportunities seem endless. Being the "go to" person comes with a lot of responsibility and an intense pressure to maintain the status quo . If we can take a que from history, sports and hollywood celebrities tend to do whatever it takes to maintain all the praise, fame and honor society pours on them. The attention they receive is like a drug and it is intoxicating.  These once innocent and hard working celebrities start cutting corners, move into drugs and do whatever is necessary to be number one. This concept does not apply only to celebrities but to anyone who holds any record of success.

History has shown that having positional leadership coupled with core values is a winning formula.  The combination of both is what makes great leaders.  Recently, General Patrieus, one of the greatest leaders of our nation had to give up his leadership position on moral grounds. There is no doubt that society has unrealistic expectations and is at times unforgiving of high achievers when they err. Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and so many other "greats" in their fields have one time or the other slipped. Thankfully, some of them have been able to get back on track but many did not have the opportunity to rebuild and regain the public trust bestowed on them.

There is a seed of greatness in everyone of us but the real question is, what structures are we putting in place to ensure we do not compromise on the very principles that got us to the top in the first place? One potential solution is to have 911-relationships. These kind of relationships would ensure that you are accountable and stay on track. Anyone or organization can become successful but very few are able to withstand the pressure that comes with success. Are you going to trade your family name, reputation and earned success for a temporary hype of fame? Being a person of integrity is not a talent, it is a hard decision we have to make each day. Success at whatever the cost is not worth it.

Merry Christmas

A Season of Love

So it is Christmas and you have waited all year for this special season. A time of love, giving gifts and hanging out with loved ones. Some are excited about their gifts, while others are disappointed. Either way, it is important we remember that some people have no one to give them gifts. so let us choose to be grateful that we have people in our lives who can be a blessing to us. Let us focus on the real reason for christmas; it is about relationships. Christmas is a time to renew and reaffirm our commitment to our loved ones and remind them how much they mean to us. Many times we assume that our loved ones know how we feel about them but it is important that we actually tell them. Barbra Streisand mentioned on a Piers Morgan interview that her mother did not verbally tell her that she loved her. She assumed that Barbra would know that she loved her and she did not want that fact to get into her head. Barbra longed to hear her mum tell her "I love you". It is true that actions speak louder than words but actions and words speak loudest.

Christmas is a time to reconnect with old friends and rebuild strained bridges.It is a time to speak the truth in love. A time to forgive and be forgiven and a time to let the healing begin. You are the best christmas gift anyone can have. So, make this christmas season memorable for the people in your sphere of influence.
Your gifts cannot take the place of your presence.It is your presence that makes your presents meaningful. Make this holiday season memorable by telling someone you love them.

I hope this christmas is a good one and I hope you have fun. Merry Christmas everyone!

Scam Alert - Beware of 419 During This Season

Christmas is a season for shopping and scammers are also on the look out for your money. I posted my old DLSR camera on Craigslist to help off set the cost of getting a new one. The next morning I received  a message from Randy expressing interest in my camera. I was so excited, it seemed it was going to be  a quick sale. I verified my advertised information was accurate and Randy asked for my Paypal email which I sent. He sent me an email saying I should check my spam folder and I would see an email from paypal. I did see the email but there was an extra $100.00 more than my proposed sale amount. I asked Randy why he was giving me extra money and he said it was because he wanted it shipped urgently. I told him I would have to find out the cost of shipping which he responded that it will be $70.00. He told me he was sending the camera to his cousin for christmas and he sent me his address. I got a bit suspicious when I saw the name of his cousin and the country the mail was going to. Knowing that part of the world well, it was unlikely that the two would be connected but you never know. I told  Randy I was not comfortable sending a parcel outside the US and I would prefer to send it to him within the US. He told me he was not in the US. At this point I tried his number and it went to Google voice. My suspicions were kind of verified that I was dealing with an identity thief. I spoke with a few friends if they knew who I could report to but there were no obvious or easy places to go. Randy was not my real client, he was using someones identity. I had an option to close my eyes and send the camera, after all i had all the money but I couldn't bear the thought of supporting someone who was making  another persons  life miserable.

I spoke with a colleague about possible lines of action to take to stop the criminal. My colleague said most cases of fraud are that people are trying to take from you and not vice versa. This changed my strategy and I decided to call paypal. It was interesting to find out that the money my client claimed he had sent to me was not even there. The email I received from Paypal was forged but it looked pretty authentic to me. I decided to play along and told my client that I would not send the camera unless I received the money. He said I should not have called Paypal and he later threatened me that he will report me for not fulfilling my part of the bargain. My response, "Go ahead". I never heard back from Randy again.  I learned from this experience that while i was trying to protect my unknown neighbor, I was actually protecting myself. I also learned  sticking to my principles of working with Integrity even with a stranger over the internet  saved me a lot of money. Lessons to take away - Think again if you are to ship abroad from a craigslist and the number used cannot be reached directly. Make sure to call your bank or Paypal to verify that the money is in your account before shipping the item. Lastly, follow your intuition, if it does not feel right, don't do it.

I'll like to hear about your experiences 

2013 - Turning Resolutions into Realities

If you think 2013 starts in a few weeks you are probably running a little late. You will get best results for a future you prepare for. The year is coming to a close and I am guessing you are planning or already taken inventory of the good, could be better and delete lists from 2012.  I am sure you know that most new year resolutions do not work. They start to fail from week-1 because they lack details of how the plan will be  executed.  Mike Murdock said "You are going to be the same person that you are five years from now except two things change; the books you read and the company you keep". By default, situations just don't get better, we need to take some action to make them so. 

How is 2013 going to be different from 2012? If you want to make a difference in 2013, you may need to change your strategy in order to get better results. According to Napoleon Hill, "Whatever your mind can believe and conceive, it can achieve". It all starts in the mind; if you are going to achieve bigger and greater things in 2013 you need to have a picture of where you would rather be. You can only feature in a future you can picture. Your future is what you make of today. If you think you can, you are right, if you think you can't, you are also right. Your thoughts are the bedrock for a solid 2013. What else affects your mind and what you believe? Your confessions and the people you hang around can make or mar your new year.  If you keep saying negative things that's what you are going to get. If you are always around negative people, you will soon become one of them. 

A rubber band is only useful when it is stretched.  If you want to achieve greater, you need to position yourself in an environment that encourages and stimulates your productivity. Surround yourself and connect with mentors and people whose ethics and accomplishments you admire. You can only feature in a future you can picture. Dare to dream big. 

I'll like to hear about how you plan for the new year.

The Price of Leadership.

 I have heard many leaders say it can be lonely at the top. The road to success is often narrow and lonely. While there are many who enjoy the perks of being in the limelight, very few are able to bare the consequences of doing the right things. It is even harder on leaders when the right decisions are not the popular ones . Great leaders base their actions on how posterity will judge them and not scoring cheap points by satisfying only the present. Doing the right thing is not a talent, it is a choice every leader has to make. We make those choices  by first leading ourselves exceptionally before trying to lead others. When others see results in our lives they will follow without any reminders of positional authority over them. Great leaders have had causes that they believed in - the world celebrates Nelson Mandela today because he fought for a cause that he believed in and  was in prison for 27 years. Mother Theresa, a woman full of love for the less privileged made a huge impact in their lives.  Malala a young girl from Pakistan was shot and risked her life to promote freedom for other girls to be educated. Soldiers have given up their lives so that we can live freely today. For all the things we enjoy today, a  price had to be paid.
 What cause are you passionate about? Do you know that you can make a difference. You are a solution to your national, regional or local problems. Your ideas may help solve the problems facing the world today such as poverty,  food shortage, AIDS, energy crisis, financial instability. You dont have to wait for permission to start doing what you see in your mind and feel in your heart. Time is running out, the world needs you. There is something special about you that only you can offer.The only thing you cannot do is what you have not tried to do. You matter and you can make a difference.

We remember Nelson Mandela in our thoughts and prayers as he recovers.

I'll like to hear your thoughts and experiences.

A Tribute to the Victims of the Connecticut Shooting

A special tribute to the victims of the Connecticut shooting; 20 children and 6 adults lost their lives. They had holiday plans and their whole lives ahead of them but all that ended today. The country and Newtown community are rallying round to support the families who have lost their loved ones with their prayers and kindness. For the rest of us, remember today is what we have, tomorrow is a promise. It is important to make every moment count. Let go of any hurts or grievances you may have and live your life to the fullest. Forgiveness is a gift. It cannot be earned or deserved. It is a choice we have to make to give it. If it has to be earned, it would be called "for-selling" instead of "for-giving". Let us rebuild the broken bridges before its too late. My mum and I made up from a misunderstanding a day before she went to heaven. The last and beautiful memories I had of her keeps me going today and I couldn't have imagined it any other way. Pride and keeping grudges  are like bagage, so drop it. You can choose to give someone a second chance this holiday season.

Before its too late

Sam (not real name) was a friendly old man. He was probably in his sixties and always had so many stories of back in the day. Sam always stopped by my office to pick up our waste bin  and we usually had a 10 - 15 minute chat each time. A times I felt the pressure of work but I always reminded  myself that life is all about making a difference. If listening to Sam's repeated stories brought a smile to his face, I was not going to miss that opportunity. Recently, Sam told me he was retiring and he wanted to start a new life. Its been 2 weeks since I have seen Sam and its more obvious because our trash keeps piling and no one has come to get them.  We spoke to facilities about our predicament and we were told our bin should have been picked up once a week but Sam did it everyday because he had a friend in there. I was shocked. I didn't realize that Sam was doing more than what was expected of him. I started feeling guilty, I wished I had appreciated him more. Sam is gone and now I am discovering the vacuum he has left behind. I was swiftly comforted by the great conversations we had and life's counsel that Sam always gave me. I had appreciated Sam by listening to him and that had brought him back to our office without me even knowing  it made a difference to him. It dawned on me that this situation occurs in our professional and personal lives as well. Many times we are too busy meeting deadlines or networking that we forget to celebrate and appreciate our co-workers and loved ones. For some, the wake up call occurs when the individual says they are leaving. This prompts us telling them how wonderful they had been and how we valued their work. This is a good example of putting the cart before the horse. It's probable that they may have stayed, if we had valued them right from the beginning. Brains are like hearts they go where they are valued. People will never forget how you made them feel.  The world says you dont value something until you have lost it. I say, if you dont value something, you would loose it. Many people often walk away from a manager rather the company itself.  So, let the people in your sphere of influence know how much you value them before its too late.

Like what you read? Spread the word and subscribe to my blog community.

I'll be happy to hear your stories or experiences.

The Best Christmas Gift

Your  loved ones have already given you a list of potential things they would love for Christmas. I am guessing you are either relieved or overwhelmed depending on whether you have gotten your Christmas shopping done. Hopefully you dont overextend yourself by going into debt and using the first few months of the new year to recover. Our loved ones get over the gifts we give them pretty quickly and are always looking forward to the next one. This holiday season let us try to  appreciate  those we  spend most of our time with - colleagues at work. There is one gift that is not easily forgotten and will last forever in their hearts. It is the gift of love. I know you are loving by giving but you can add something that would make your gift look like a million dollars. You can add a heart felt note to your gift and let the recipient know how much you value them and how you hope for a better future with them. Better still, you can say it, make a video out of it...etc. These kind of gifts lasts a life time because the memories are endless. People may forget what you give to them but they will never forget how you made them feel. This Christmas why dont you reconnect with an old friend, a colleague or mend a broken bridge. Christmas is more than just shopping and hanging out around the dinner table. It is a time to let go of the gripes of the past and begin again.
Do you know that christmas is a miserable time for some people?  You can choose to have an early christmas for those who dont have anyone to share their love with. If you dont have a place to go, why dont you make your place a home that others can come to  and enjoy the holidays. Christmas like every other day is a time to forget about ourselves and focus on others. The best gifts cant be bought by money. By bringing happiness to others, we are truly enriching our own lives. Happy Christmas and Happy New Year!

What are you going to do differently this Christmas?  I'll like to hear your ideas and stories

The Beauty of Saying No

Many of us are not very comfortable saying no. The reasons vary from insecurity to cultural differences. We have become pros in making everyone but ourselves happy. Unfortunately, we are the ones that suffer the consequences.  If you are the kind of person that helps everyone but receive no help in return, then it is time for you to start learning how to say no. It is okay to say no. No does not have to mean never, it can mean not now or try again. Maybe if we knew why it was important to say no, we might consider practicing it and becoming good at it. Do you know that being able to say no says a lot of about your self-esteem? People who have a low self-esteem are afraid of saying no because they fear loss of a valuable relationship. Saying no means you value yourself,  time and space. It says you respect yourself and you have self-control. People who are able to say no have a lower chance of being taken advantage off. Saying no separates you from the rest of the crowd. No is an important word we should learn to use. When you say no with good intentions, the other party will understand. If they walk away, you have just saved yourself from an abusive relationship.  Learning to say no will help you avoid many unwanted troubles you had no business with in the first place

I must say there are times when we need to be flexible and compromise but that should be a choice we make. It shouldn't be under compulsion or what we think people expect from us. There is no point saying yes and doing it half-heartedly. The  consequences are worse than you declining originally.

I'll like to hear your experiences on how you are dealing with using the word No.

What Great Companies Do - A Lesson from Genencor

I got home yesterday and had  a box waiting for me. Upon opening it, there was a sweatshirt from Genencor (a company I interned at during summer). There was a hand written note that read, " Happy Holidays,  we hope that this sweatshirt will keep you warm! Good luck on your finals and thanks again for spending your summer with us! We miss you! ". 

I was impressed and touched at the same time. My internship was over but yet, they still made me feel valuable for my contributions to the company. I guess it is no surprise that they are one of the best companies to work for in the Bay Area. I wish more companies realize that brains are like hearts and they go where they are valued. The best way to retain talents is not just a great pay check but creating an atmosphere where people can be themselves and know they have a voice in the organization. As an intern at Genencor, I worked on projects that were top priority to the company. I was encouraged to use my talents in creative ways. The best part of my internship was the people I interacted with. From the receptionist desk to the boardroom, you really could not tell who was who. Everyone was valuable and Genecor made it a point to let us know we were appreciated.

When employers appreciate and value their employees, they are on track to moving from good to great. Thanks Genencor for leading the way!

I'll like to hear your experiences of how your organization has shown they care.

Success Is The Best Revenge

Each and everyone one of us at some point in our lives will encounter some unavoidable negative people. We always fall short regardless of whatever we do in their eyes. I have come to realize that there is no point trying to please or explain because they count such as weaknesses or incompetence. The best way to silence your critics is to deliver results. Like water, success does not have any known enemies. Success is colorless and has no boundaries. People may not like you as a person but let the quality of your work be  your voice, by being the best at what you do. There are advantages having critics in our lives, though it never feels like that during the grind. Critics make us stronger and drive us to work harder.

For everyone who has ever told you that you are nothing, amount to nothing and to those who have under estimated and written you off, remember, your success is the best revenge.  Do not let other peoples perception of you become your reality. You and only you are the prophet over your life. Do not give up. You have what it takes.  You can do it. Usain Bolt, the fastest man on earth, was the first man to defend his win with an Olympic gold in 100 and 200M back to back. It had never been done before but he did it. You can be the first too on your own journey.

I'll like to hear about stories and experiences about how you dealt with the critics in your life.

Back to The Basics

It is amazing how the world is changing and becoming a global village. Businesses are growing in leaps and bounds thanks to social media. Social media is transforming our lives, an example was the use of social media during the Arab spring. With all the advantages of technology, there seems to be an area that seems to be suffering. Our communities are the hardest hit. The scary part of all this is that, we don't realize it. These days, we live in the I-generation (all about me).   Before the advent of social media, people made efforts to chat with strangers, say hello to co-workers,  talk to their neighbors or call friends on their birthdays. People dont say good morning anymore and  word "thank you" is becoming rare. We have become engulfed in our tiny worlds and focus more on the latest twits or apps from our Iphones. Interpersonal relationships now seems to be more transactional rather than communal. No wonder while we are advancing in technology, our interpersonal relationships seem to be at an all time low. Take a look at Washington and you understand what I am talking about. It comes as no surprise that companies spend billions on resolving companies yearly. 

  I realized I had become a victim and had resorted to social media in communicating and I was loosing that personal touch with loved ones. I chose to make a conscious effort to put people first and not technology. I dont usually like when I call a company and I am been directed by a machine.  I am a believer in technology because it makes our lives easier, but let us remember that great relationships are never built on the altar of convenience.

I will like to hear about your experiences and how to ensure we don't loose our communities and loves ones to technology

Just Before You Exit

Anyone who works out at the gym knows that whatever muscles you exercise regularly are the ones you see most results in. Similarly, quitting like winning is a skill. Whichever one you exercise more will eventually become a habit. These exercises (quitting or winning) started from when we were little. Remember that  almost impossible math homework that took you hours or days to figure out. What about walking out from a relationship  or someone during a conflict? We are always confronted with two choices either to perserve or give in. It is important to know that   letting go/exiting and quitting are not the same. It is wise to know when to let go rather than waste  precious time or valuable resources.

Is there ever a good time to quit? Zig Ziglar Author of Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do said "Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win". It is important to distinguish between quitting and taking an exit. Taking an exit occurs when you have considered and tried all options and then you come to an objective and informed decision. During a fire alarm, there are usually exit doors for people to escape. The use of these doors are often the last resort. The aftermath of such a decision is relief. Quitting on the other hand does not put all options on the table. The quitter views some options  as too much work and doesn't bother. The aftermath of quitting is often characterized by regrets (woulda-coulda-shoulda).  The quitter never wants to step out of their comfort zone and never knows what could have happened if they did. If you have considered all options and you have to let a job or a person go, you are not a quitter you have just taken an exit.

Winners have a tenacity to them. The difference between the ordinary and the extra-ordinary is the little extra. Winners keep trying new options till they get their desired results. No does not mean never to the winner, it probably means try again or not now. Winners keep keeping at it untill it works. Even when they have to exit, they always keep the door open, for they know they may have to come through that door some time in the future.

I'll like to hear your thoughts or experiences on quitting or letting go? 

What's your Gangnam Style ?

PSY, the South Korean pop artist made history this week. His viral song, Gangnam Style, is the most liked video on youtube with over 1 billion views and counting. It holds the Guinness World Record of most viewed on youtube  . The UN Secretary General, Ban Ki Moon, hailed the song as a "force for world peace". It has inspired many parodies such as the Oregon Duck and the US Navy. Gangnam Style brought Korea to the center of the world. Who would have thought a non english song with cheesy lyrics from South Korea would have reached No 1 in numerous countries including France, Germany, Australia, and the UK. It subsequently won the best video at the MTV Europe Music Awards?

Some might argue about the intellectual content of Gangnam style, but what makes Gangnam style so special? It is not just the lyrics or unique dance moves but the conception of an idea to its execution. The following are my favorite lessons from Gangnam Style:

1. My friend told me the other day "Practice like you would play". A similar military phrase is  "Train like you would fight" -  The dance steps in Gangnam style though looks simply but PSY spent thirty nights trying to figure out and perfect an appropriate dance for his song. PSY put his best into his project.
2. Let yourself loose -   PSY had an opinion about the life style of the people in Gangnam, a city in South Korea and looked for a creative way to tell his story. PSY could have said it was a no brainier or who would care about an unheard district in Seoul, but he did it anyway. He found a way to tell his story in a way that  captured his audience. He showed us that an idea does not have to be too intellectual to win over almost a billion views.  Similarly, what makes you different is what sets you apart in the market place. 
3. Talent is colorless - Over 810 million views!  Gangnam Style was not written in the languages where its currently most celebrated. It was a hit all over the world. This song is a good confirmation that we should always accept our individuality and express our originality. PSY has been interviewed by Ellen Degeneres and several other show hosts
4. Go where you are celebrated - Not everyone is going to like or support your idea and that is okay. When Gangnam was released in Japan, it was met with negativism but the rest of the world had a different opinion. PSY went to where his fans were and did not try to convince his critics. Similarly,  It is important that we do not base quality of our ideas or products on the opinion of others.
5. Success is cumulative  - Champions are not made in the ring but recognized in it. PSY had been working hard but this song made everything worth it.
6. Opportunity favors the prepared - Psy was ready for the world stage and when Scoot Braun, American Talent Manager, who discovered Justin Beiber approached him, he said "Sign me up". 
7. Just Do It - Your idea is probably not a Gangnam Style but there is a dream in you that  wont go away. Your idea is your passport to the world. Why not take that bold step and try it out? Remember to practice like you would play. The backstage is for preparation and the front stage is for manifestation.  One day the world would shine its eyes on you, so you better be prepared when the opportunity knocks.

Like what you read? Spread the word and subscribe to my blog (Right sidebar) 

What every girl needs to know about her BF's friends

I have the opportunity of meeting, mentoring and counseling a lot of dynamic people. I found some recurring  themes and I thought sharing this information would help someone out there.

You are having the time of your life and probably believe you have met the man of your dreams. Not seeing your loved one for a day seems unthinkable and  feels like eternity. One thing you may have forgotten is that, he had a life before he met you. I know you had one too and thats why it is important for the health of the relationship that your worlds do not merge into one. It is a great idea to follow the wise advice that suggests you  should be close enough to keep each other warm and far enough not to burn each other out in your relationships.

Relationships are not crutches, rather, they are like wings that take us to another level. To be honest, I do not know too many people who enjoy the company of a needy person. I know you mean the world to your mate but give each other  room to breathe. Your partner cannot miss you if you are always there. Some couples have a tendency to isolate themselves from their friends which eventually bites them in the end. Remember no one can meet all your needs, each of you still need other people in your lives in other for your relationship to be balanced. It is never too late to start rebuilding the bridges you may have burned. If the bridge is intact, ensure you strengthen it. A good way to strengthen such bridges is to have a healthy rapport with your BF's friends. Friends have substancial influence over us and they can help during rocky times when you or your BF seeks advice from their inner circle. I have heard  of several broken relationships and engagements because friends who were left out of or ignored when the couple had their good times refused to  be peacemakers when things got out of hand.

The truth is, we all want to be around and hold onto things and people we love but when it becomes excessive, it causes our loved ones to withdraw rather than draw close to us. When people come together to establish any form of relationship, it is wise to share each others worlds rather than one party taking it over. 

The Grateful Become Great

Happy Thanksgiving!  Thanksgiving is a designated day when we are grateful for the blessings we have received. It is a time to be thankful for the great things happening in our lives, knowing fully well that, whatever situation we are in could have been worse. Before you sit down and start digging into your Thanksgiving turkey, remember that for more than half of the world population, your meal is a luxury. I know the healthcare is not perfect but more than half of the world population have none at all.  Education is expensive but a lot of people all over the world have no education at all. The UN just established Malala Day in recognition of Malala who was shot because she encouraged young girls to be educated in Pakistan.  We live in an imperfect world and there will always be issues, but we choose to focus on whats working in our lives. The fact that we are alive means there is hope and that's something to be grateful for. We live in a country that is the envy of the world. The veterans sacrifice their lives so that we can all live in peace. Whatever we appreciate increases in value, so, Thanksgiving should be done on a daily basis in our hearts. Today is a gift, tomorrow is a promise, why not give thanks for the hope of a greater tomorrow. Happy thanksgiving and Bon appetit everyone!

The statement "You can do anything you set your mind to do" is not totally true

"You can do anything you set your mind to do", is often taken out of context. This statement in my opinion is like a two edged sword. It has helped so many people and brought so many others down. This quote can be spinned however you like but lets put these words in proper context. If I told you that you could do or be anything you want and you take the statement literally, you definitely could take some honey and lime and pick up a microphone and try to sing like Mariah Careh, hopefully the sound coming out is not too frightening. It takes more than hard work to sing like Whitney Houston, entertain like Michael Jackson, act like Julia Roberts, compose like Andrew Webber and build an organization like Steve Jobs did. You have got to have talent. So when the statement "You can do anything you set your mind to do"  is used, people are talking about achieving excellence or making what seems impossible possible by pursuing your talents. This is because when you pursue your talents, there are no limits to what you can achieve, but there are limits when all you have are skills. You are usually the best at what you love and thats related to your talents.

Jim Weinner, CEO of linkedin, recently echoed the same words but what exactly did he mean.My goal is to help you put some balance to these statement so that you are better informed.  Success has many paths but two are non negotiable, which are hard/smart work and talent. If you have a natural talent in an area and you couple that with hard work, in a matter of time, the world will notice you. So why aren't many people successful? I don't have all the answers but this i know for sure, many people have chosen careers based on either the economy, family pressure, prestige, peer influence or uncertainty. These people are hard working for sure but they are struggling to keep up. There are trying to be anything they want to be. A problem that often occurs is, when you compare these group with people who have the natural ability and are hard working, they often fall short. They can be successful in their careers alright but they are probably not fulfilled because they have chased dreams that was not built or designed for their talents. 

We don't have to look much further, just go to hospitals and see disgruntled health workers who are mean  to the patienrs they are sworn to protect. Classrooms are filled with professors who hate teaching and students pay the price for that. Students who see the class as a bridge to a bigger dream or a dream itself, often don't let the inadequacies of a teacher or TA deter them. Too many people are trying to be what they are not and ignoring who they are and that's messing up so many lives . I have a friend who was one of the best medical students in his class and graduated with flying colors. He never practiced medicine a day in his life. Today he is in finance. He succeeded and was the best in medicine but he wasn't fulfilled. Whatever dream you are chasing should bring you fulfillment. Prestige, fame, money are byproducts of a fulfilled career. 

You can set your mind to do anything (achieve sustainable excellence), if you pursue your dreams and accomplish them through your talents. When you do, all other things will follow.

Job Hunting?

Looking for a job is a job in itself. Combing that with any other kind of work can make job hunting seem overwhelming. What doesn't help is when employers do not get back to you or you see very generic emails and you know that your resume wasn't given the light of day. I have had my share of both good and bad experiences  and I am hoping you learn from both  via the following:

1. Finding a job is similar to finding a future partner. You want to make sure you get it right rather than making it right. I recommend that you read StrengthsFinder 2.0,  take the Myers Briggs  and  Strongs Interests Inventory tests. They will help you in matching your talents with potential roles you would excel at.
2. Have a list of potential companies you will like to work for and check out their job requirements. You can use this to choose potential classes in college.
3. Start looking early- typically you should start looking for a job a year before you think you need one. This is because it can take  a long time for background checks, paper work etc. This also reduces pressure on you instead of waiting till the last minute. I hear someone say I don't have that time anymore, thats okay, look at the next point.
4. Use your network - Find out where your friends, parents friends, friends of friends are  and try to get connected with them. Linkedin is a great tool for this, I actually got some interviews via linkedin. I got my internship through a friend who worked at the company. He took my resume to the hiring manager and I had the skills they were looking for.
5. It is important that you know if a company is a good fit for you. I know this does not seem important if you just need a job to pay the bills. A good balance  is to find out if you can do an internship or volunteer their. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage, so it is better to use your internship as a good fit test.
6. Looking for your next job or internship can look like forever, but do not loose hope. While you are waiting, you can invest in yourself by volunteering and start preparing for interviews (behavioral based) cause you never know when you will get that call.
7. Lastly, have you thought of starting a business or putting some flesh to that childhood dream. Richard Branson founder Virgin records and Virgin Atlantic, started his company because he was tired of receiving rejection letters. Richard Branson is one of the wealthiest men in America today.  Not having a job does not mean you have no talents, maybe you are meant to be a job provider for others.  Henry Ford said does who dont take risks work for those who do. Go for it, you can do it.

Lessons from 2012 US Presidential Elections

The elections have come and gone, while we may be in a hurry to forget the details of the bitter campaign, we must not forget the lessons left behind. Fortunately, there is something to take away for everyone and they are neither red or blue centered. The following are my top picks:

1. The solution to the economy lies neither with Obama or Romney according to Ken Fisher a   columnist for Forbes magazine and the Founder and CEO of Fisher Investments. (I hope that makes you feel better). 
2. Never under estimate the competition no matter how good you are. We all know the impact a bad debate had on President Obama. 
3. Be careful what you say especially when you are on camera. It can eventually be taken out of context and used against you. We remember the infamous 47% comments made by Gov Romney and the redistribution of wealth statements by President Obama.
4. On matters of principle, be firm. For anything else, go with the flow. Both presidential candidates were accused of flip flopping. This reduced credibility and believability on both aisles.
5. Focus on issues and not personalities. Any time either candidate focused  on race, wealth, birth certificate...etc. It often worked against them and made the public sympathetic to the perceived underdog.
6. The moments after victory or defeat are important because they can make you memorable or forgettable. I am not in a position to judge authenticity but Pres Obama's speech seemed inclusive while Gov Romney seemed like an outreach
7. No condition is permanent. Gov Romney nearly won the election  which was impressive considering the fact that he was several points below the president.
8. It is not necessarily the best candidate that wins an election but the first seller. The democrats had many negatives going into the election but they compensated that with a good strategy to bring out their supporters. The republicans had a good message but  were outwitted by the sales team of the democrats
9. Diversity is the spice of life and it helps win elections too - Just before the winner was announced, the democrats had a lot of diversity in the crowd but the republican crowd was very homogeneous.  
10. People will first buy into you before they burn into what you have to offer.
11. The American dollar bill has on it "In God We Trust". I guess that the nation builders put that for a reason knowing that the best of us is still fallible.
12. Where there is life, there is hope. There is hope for America. Division means two visions. Any divided house is sure to fall. It is time to come together and do great things again.  You have done it before, you can do it again.

Band-Aid Relationships

Band-Aids are often used in dressing burns, wounds etc.  Band-Aids are often temporary solutions to  bigger pending issues.  Imagine a person who puts on a band-aid due to an injury. Once the injury heals, the band-aid is taken off. It has served its function and its time to take it off.

Just like band-aid needs to be taken off when an injury heals, so your help may no longer be required when the person is stronger and can better handle the situation. The issue now is that you have become attached to the person you were trying to help and breaking off seems hard.

Band-Aids are good but they are temporary. We have all been or had band-aid relationships in our lives. Many people have felt used because someone they helped overcome a difficult situation moved on and left them hanging.  It is true that your feelings of ingratitude from the person you assisted may be justified, many times, you have just fallen victim of the band-aid relationship. When we try to outlive the season of any relationship, it gets sour and we  get frustrated. In band-aid relationships,  the person in question often sees you as a spacer (someone for the season) and you see the person as a keeper (long lasting). Not being on the same page results in both parties  being disappointed. In many band-aid relationships, the person going through a hard time is not  trying to use you. Just like you don't need a crutch when your leg heals, so does the person in question will let go of your assistance when they are better. So, you may want to check your motives before you decide to be a shoulder to lean on.

So what happens when you really like someone and you dont want to become a band-aid victim?

 It is important that you guard your emotions and be objective about the situation. Not every relationship is permanent, some are seasonal. Also, focus more on what the person needs and not what you have to get out of it. Ask yourself, if you are expecting a form of compensation or returned favor for the actions you are rendering? You can get other people involved so that the person in question is not overly dependent on you.  If your kind gesture is not reciprocated, you can be content that you did the right thing by helping a hurting soul. 

Remember, you only have control over your actions and not anyone else. Love is like a gift that you need not do anything to earn . 

Change with Change or Be Exchanged

I had mixed feelings when we moved to a different neighborhood when I was growing up. I was excited we were moving into a new house, but these feelings faded quickly when I thought about the friends I wouldn’t see anymore. I was not sure what our new environment would look like. Would the neighbors be friendly? Would I make new friends? Would the other kids even like me? So many questions flew through my head but very few answers. The thought of how things were going to be different was frightening.

I have come to accept that change is the only constant in this world. I didn’t like change because I was uncertain of what it would bring. We all want predictability in our lives to some degree. In my experience, change is an opportunity to get it right, a second chance to redefine and evolve.

Change comes to all of us and is a matter of when, not if. I believe the best way to prepare for change is to enjoy every season of life and leave no room for regrets. There are many things over which we have no control, but we do have a say about our memories. It takes only a moment for reality to become a memory, so make every one of them count.

There Is No Recipe for a Happy Relationship

The term happy relationship is relative. The criteria for judging whether a relationship is good or bad changes from person to person, which is why it is important you and your loved one work out what happy looks like to each of you in your relationship.

While I believe there is no recipe for a happy relationship, there are some ingredients that are always present in happy ones. Topping the list are unconditional love, respect, and forgiveness. Great relationships are never contractual. A relationship based on eye-for-an-eye, tooth-for-a-tooth is sure to fail.

There are many available resources for successful relationships, much of which can be confusing since people offer conflicting information on similar situations. In my experience, outside resources should serve as guides and not rules. No one knows your situation like you do. Knowledge is only powerful when it is applied, so I gather all the resources available to me and ask myself how I can apply them to my circumstance. You must customize the information available to you and make it your own.

What does a happy relationship look like for your partner and you? Remember, it all starts in the mind. A future you cannot picture you cannot feature in. You may need to discuss with your partner what a happy relationship looks like to each of you and make a road map. It is okay if you are not there yet; you can determine in which direction you need to be headed.

Regardless of your relationship health status, you can start your journey by creating a picture of a happy relationship in your mind. As Napoleon Hill says, “Whatever your mind can believe and conceive, it can achieve.”

911 Relationships

It often amazes me that we have insurance for everything ranging from life to flood coverages. This keeps us assured if and when anything goes wrong. What baffles me is that, when it comes to relationships, people are not getting themselves insured. We are not investing in relationships that will help and keep us going when the storms of life come our way. Just like we have to pay our taxes to help organizations like FEMA, police, fire department do their jobs. We also have to consciously invest in building meaningful relationships. I have realized that many of us have relationships that are a superficial (a mile wide but an inch deep). We seem to be uncomfortable  having deep relationships with others. Is this a possible reason that abusers and bullies get away because victims do not have deep enough connections that encourage them to be vulnerable and speak out about their issues? I believe 911 relationships can help reduce the rate of suicides in our country.

911 relationships are deep and significant connections in our lives. Such relationships are characterized by openness, vulnerability and desire to ensure mutual growth. 911 connections will pick up your call at 3 am and will travel the world to meet you if need be. 911 relationships are crucial and are at their best when emergencies occur. It's the depth of your relationships that activates their response. If your car broke down on the high way, you can’t just call triple AAA to respond right away. They would ask  for your policy number and not having that means you will have to pay a high premium, if you want the service right away.   We even need to be particularly attentive with the age of Facebook and Twitter that pose virtual friends or followers. While such technologies are great for business and recreation, they should not replace the power of personal connections. 

In death, loved ones come together to carry the coffin of the deceased, but you don't have to wait till then before the same ones carry you in life.

Are you a 911 friend to anyone? Do you have any 911 friends? The good news is that, it is not too late, you can start developing one today.

Blessing in Disguise

Always remind yourself that whoever walks out on you did not deserve you and is not connected to your future. (Of course, this is assuming you were not the cause of someone leaving you.) Like my parents used to say, a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. It is a blessing to lose someone before the stakes are really high and the consequences even more so. It is their loss to not appreciate a diamond when they see one.

I have had people I loved and valued walk out on me, and those were hurting times. However, I must confess that in hindsight some of these “walk outs” were blessings in disguise. They made me stronger and wiser and taught me to believe in myself.

Sometimes it is appropriate for someone to walk out on us to snap us back to reality and save us from destruction. Many addicts seek help only when a loved one threatens to leave or actually walks out the door. In an abusive relationship, the person who is being abused is better off without the abuser. Hopefully, this will serve as a wake-up call for the abuser to seek help.

Side-Effects

What are the side effects of your actions? Do you know that  many prescription drugs do not make it to market because their side effects does more harm than good than the intended drug.  Similarly, It is important that we consider the consequences of our actions or in-actions before carrying them out.This is important because some decisions you make could have some un-intended consequences . Doing this could save you a lot of heartaches and regrets later.

There is Greatness within You

If you take a corn seed and plant it into the ground and water it, After some time it starts to grow and finally you have your harvest. You started with a seed and you now have hundreds or thousands of seeds attached round a maize cub. Similarly, the seed that you have is your talent, the soil that its planted in is your career/job/hobby. The watering is the development of your talent by applying yourself and constantly developing yourself through reading, association, workshops...etc. Increase comes with use. If you are frustrated and feel your current circumstance does not reflect your ability then ask yourself the following:

Do I have any talent?

Trust me, we all do. Many times we have a tendency to under play our talents and take them for granted.  look deep down inside of you or speak with close friends or family to help you discover what they think you do exceptionally well consistently and sparks your creativity. 

Am I in the right place? 

Where have you planted yourself in terms of a job, career, association etc? If you are in a place where your natural abilities are not encouraged and celebrated, you will feel discouraged and unvalued. If you have to change who you are in order to fit into your job role then you may need to think again. The way you are is because of why you are. Maize crops do not strive on beach soil but palm trees do. There are places that your personality and uniqueness fit, so there is no point trying to force a square peg in a round hole. Deposit your talent where the rate of success is high.

Am I applying myself?

This is taking responsibility to ensure you grow by investing in learning and development. Read books, seek out a mentor, Join clubs or associations that will lead you to your dreams. This way, you grow your talent to become a strength. Afterwards, you will see that you are performing at a high level consistently.

Take It Back

Too many times many of us let others define us by seeking permission to be ourselves, by constantly looking for affirmation and letting what others think of us dictate our actions. It is important we get to that point in our lives when we dont need anyone to treat us in a particular way to feel special. You existence is proof that you matter. You are peculiar and valuable, so make it count. 

My mantra is "I matter where it matters and where i do not matter, it does not matter"

Better Sorry Than Safe

A rubber band is only useful when it is stretched. The rubber band has two states, relaxed and stretched. The relaxed state of a rubber band is not useful for anything, but the stretched state is where its purpose is maximized. Likewise, people who want to achieve great things cannot afford to remain in their relaxed state, or comfort zone.

High flyers in all walks of life have an all-or-nothing attitude. Think of any great work of art. It took many, many hours to create the masterpiece. Humans did not land on the moon out of convenience. It was a vision that was conceived and birthed through hard work and determination. The Wright brothers, who invented the world’s first successful airplane, encountered many failed attempts. It was not an easy task, but difficult did not mean impossible for the duo.

You cannot play it safe and expect to make an impact at the same time. Playing it safe is living in a relaxed state, which is below your potential— filled with regrets (woulda-coulda-shoulda) is not a happy place to be. It is always better to aim high. Even if you miss your target, your end result is still good.

Leaders are Born and Made

There is an ongoing debate as to whether leaders are made or born. I believe it is both.

Some people believe that leadership like any other skill can be learned. While there is some truth to this, to assume that leadership is mutually exclusive of talent, acquired skills, and knowledge is like saying you can learn to sing like Mariah Carey or paint like Leonardo da Vinci if you attend the right school. Skills and knowledge without talent can take you only so far; at best, you become a good leader but not a great leader. I believe in order to become a great leader, you must possess some innate qualities.

Imagine someone with tremendous sales talent. In order for him to maintain high productivity, he must believe in what he is selling and have a good knowledge of the product. These two factors coupled with his natural talent for persuasion are what make him successful. But remove one of the factors, and you will see a negative impact on his performance.

If you teach someone the product information and try to infuse some passion into him without him having natural sales talent, he will probably be a mediocre salesperson as opposed to someone who has all three factors. Likewise, you can teach people leadership skills, but if they do not have passion for leading others, they will fail in comparison to someone who does.

When I Meet The One...

Can one person be everything to you in a relationship? Can a single individual play the role of friend, parent, lover, mentor, doctor, confidant, gym partner, mind reader, and legal adviser? A dentist cannot help you with bone or joint problems. He would rather leave the final judgment to a specialist in that field.

Many of us are in a constant search for the “right” person, place, or thing and think when we get him, her, or it all will be well with us. However, the truth is, no one person or thing can meet all our needs and solve all our problems. That is far too heavy a load for any one person to carry. This expectation may have ruined many potential relationships because they did not fit our picture of “The One.”

It is important that we let people care for us in the areas where they naturally excel and not where we expect their support. Having this mind- set will save us from this endless search and will open our hearts to let a variety of people be a blessing to us and be blessed by us, thus relieving the stress or burden on any one person.

Like what you read? Spread the word and subscribe to my blog community

Turning Points: Action Today, Change Tomorrow

Coming to a store near you...stay tuned!!!

Whatever You Take for Granted Becomes Grounded

Whatever you take for granted becomes grounded. I am sure everyone has heard the phrase, “You don’t appreciate something until it is gone.” I have decided that is not the motto I want to follow for my life. Thinking back, some situations would have been better handled if I had let some people know how much I valued them and their contribution to my life.

Whatever you appreciate increases in value, and whatever you neglect depreciates. The end result of depreciation is a loss of valuable connection and relationship. Hammerstein says it best: “A song is not a song until you sing it.” Likewise, love is not love until you give it away. It is important you realize that the people in your life are not mind readers. It is not okay to only appreciate people in your mind; you need to let them know how much you care and not assume they know how you feel.

Assumptions kill relationships. Speak out, and show you care.

Friendships are important at work

The office is for work and it is important to always put that in mind. Let your productivity and accomplishments at work speak for you rather than trying to be a buddy with your supervisors to climb up the ranks. It is true no one can put an embargo or cap on where love or friendships finds you but there are usually some lines that can be crossed in work friendships and this could have serious impacts on your career in the future. Your personal friends don’t take your mistakes as permanent damage but your work mates could label it as incompetence. So ensure you know the difference between a colleague and a friend at work, before disclosing personal information. Tom Rath, leader of Gallup’s Research and Leadership Consulting worldwide, in his book, Vital Friends, their study showed that cultivating true friendships at work increased effectivity of workers, contrary to popular belief. Lets be honest, I am sure we have either felt better going to work because of a friend or worse because of a particular colleague. I have experienced both and I prefer the former. So, you may want to consider deepening the relationships you have at work because a happy you at work translates to other areas of your life. In building work friendships, remember to keep a little distance that keeps you close enough and far enough, not to burn each other out.

Single and Blessed

Being single is not being cripple. You should remember that there are many that are double with trouble. So before you find or are found, celebrate your life and make the most of opportunities that come your way.

I am sure you would agree that it is better to be alone than be in bad company. Being single is a gift, dont be deceived about the TV commercials and the impression that Hollywood brings. You are unique and special, you cannot afford to fall for just anyone. Take each day at a time, your future partner is meant to compliment you and not complete you. So get a life and enjoy it.