Back to The Basics

It is amazing how the world is changing and becoming a global village. Businesses are growing in leaps and bounds thanks to social media. Social media is transforming our lives, an example was the use of social media during the Arab spring. With all the advantages of technology, there seems to be an area that seems to be suffering. Our communities are the hardest hit. The scary part of all this is that, we don't realize it. These days, we live in the I-generation (all about me).   Before the advent of social media, people made efforts to chat with strangers, say hello to co-workers,  talk to their neighbors or call friends on their birthdays. People dont say good morning anymore and  word "thank you" is becoming rare. We have become engulfed in our tiny worlds and focus more on the latest twits or apps from our Iphones. Interpersonal relationships now seems to be more transactional rather than communal. No wonder while we are advancing in technology, our interpersonal relationships seem to be at an all time low. Take a look at Washington and you understand what I am talking about. It comes as no surprise that companies spend billions on resolving companies yearly. 

  I realized I had become a victim and had resorted to social media in communicating and I was loosing that personal touch with loved ones. I chose to make a conscious effort to put people first and not technology. I dont usually like when I call a company and I am been directed by a machine.  I am a believer in technology because it makes our lives easier, but let us remember that great relationships are never built on the altar of convenience.

I will like to hear about your experiences and how to ensure we don't loose our communities and loves ones to technology

Just Before You Exit

Anyone who works out at the gym knows that whatever muscles you exercise regularly are the ones you see most results in. Similarly, quitting like winning is a skill. Whichever one you exercise more will eventually become a habit. These exercises (quitting or winning) started from when we were little. Remember that  almost impossible math homework that took you hours or days to figure out. What about walking out from a relationship  or someone during a conflict? We are always confronted with two choices either to perserve or give in. It is important to know that   letting go/exiting and quitting are not the same. It is wise to know when to let go rather than waste  precious time or valuable resources.

Is there ever a good time to quit? Zig Ziglar Author of Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do said "Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win". It is important to distinguish between quitting and taking an exit. Taking an exit occurs when you have considered and tried all options and then you come to an objective and informed decision. During a fire alarm, there are usually exit doors for people to escape. The use of these doors are often the last resort. The aftermath of such a decision is relief. Quitting on the other hand does not put all options on the table. The quitter views some options  as too much work and doesn't bother. The aftermath of quitting is often characterized by regrets (woulda-coulda-shoulda).  The quitter never wants to step out of their comfort zone and never knows what could have happened if they did. If you have considered all options and you have to let a job or a person go, you are not a quitter you have just taken an exit.

Winners have a tenacity to them. The difference between the ordinary and the extra-ordinary is the little extra. Winners keep trying new options till they get their desired results. No does not mean never to the winner, it probably means try again or not now. Winners keep keeping at it untill it works. Even when they have to exit, they always keep the door open, for they know they may have to come through that door some time in the future.

I'll like to hear your thoughts or experiences on quitting or letting go? 

What's your Gangnam Style ?

PSY, the South Korean pop artist made history this week. His viral song, Gangnam Style, is the most liked video on youtube with over 1 billion views and counting. It holds the Guinness World Record of most viewed on youtube  . The UN Secretary General, Ban Ki Moon, hailed the song as a "force for world peace". It has inspired many parodies such as the Oregon Duck and the US Navy. Gangnam Style brought Korea to the center of the world. Who would have thought a non english song with cheesy lyrics from South Korea would have reached No 1 in numerous countries including France, Germany, Australia, and the UK. It subsequently won the best video at the MTV Europe Music Awards?

Some might argue about the intellectual content of Gangnam style, but what makes Gangnam style so special? It is not just the lyrics or unique dance moves but the conception of an idea to its execution. The following are my favorite lessons from Gangnam Style:

1. My friend told me the other day "Practice like you would play". A similar military phrase is  "Train like you would fight" -  The dance steps in Gangnam style though looks simply but PSY spent thirty nights trying to figure out and perfect an appropriate dance for his song. PSY put his best into his project.
2. Let yourself loose -   PSY had an opinion about the life style of the people in Gangnam, a city in South Korea and looked for a creative way to tell his story. PSY could have said it was a no brainier or who would care about an unheard district in Seoul, but he did it anyway. He found a way to tell his story in a way that  captured his audience. He showed us that an idea does not have to be too intellectual to win over almost a billion views.  Similarly, what makes you different is what sets you apart in the market place. 
3. Talent is colorless - Over 810 million views!  Gangnam Style was not written in the languages where its currently most celebrated. It was a hit all over the world. This song is a good confirmation that we should always accept our individuality and express our originality. PSY has been interviewed by Ellen Degeneres and several other show hosts
4. Go where you are celebrated - Not everyone is going to like or support your idea and that is okay. When Gangnam was released in Japan, it was met with negativism but the rest of the world had a different opinion. PSY went to where his fans were and did not try to convince his critics. Similarly,  It is important that we do not base quality of our ideas or products on the opinion of others.
5. Success is cumulative  - Champions are not made in the ring but recognized in it. PSY had been working hard but this song made everything worth it.
6. Opportunity favors the prepared - Psy was ready for the world stage and when Scoot Braun, American Talent Manager, who discovered Justin Beiber approached him, he said "Sign me up". 
7. Just Do It - Your idea is probably not a Gangnam Style but there is a dream in you that  wont go away. Your idea is your passport to the world. Why not take that bold step and try it out? Remember to practice like you would play. The backstage is for preparation and the front stage is for manifestation.  One day the world would shine its eyes on you, so you better be prepared when the opportunity knocks.

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What every girl needs to know about her BF's friends

I have the opportunity of meeting, mentoring and counseling a lot of dynamic people. I found some recurring  themes and I thought sharing this information would help someone out there.

You are having the time of your life and probably believe you have met the man of your dreams. Not seeing your loved one for a day seems unthinkable and  feels like eternity. One thing you may have forgotten is that, he had a life before he met you. I know you had one too and thats why it is important for the health of the relationship that your worlds do not merge into one. It is a great idea to follow the wise advice that suggests you  should be close enough to keep each other warm and far enough not to burn each other out in your relationships.

Relationships are not crutches, rather, they are like wings that take us to another level. To be honest, I do not know too many people who enjoy the company of a needy person. I know you mean the world to your mate but give each other  room to breathe. Your partner cannot miss you if you are always there. Some couples have a tendency to isolate themselves from their friends which eventually bites them in the end. Remember no one can meet all your needs, each of you still need other people in your lives in other for your relationship to be balanced. It is never too late to start rebuilding the bridges you may have burned. If the bridge is intact, ensure you strengthen it. A good way to strengthen such bridges is to have a healthy rapport with your BF's friends. Friends have substancial influence over us and they can help during rocky times when you or your BF seeks advice from their inner circle. I have heard  of several broken relationships and engagements because friends who were left out of or ignored when the couple had their good times refused to  be peacemakers when things got out of hand.

The truth is, we all want to be around and hold onto things and people we love but when it becomes excessive, it causes our loved ones to withdraw rather than draw close to us. When people come together to establish any form of relationship, it is wise to share each others worlds rather than one party taking it over. 

The Grateful Become Great

Happy Thanksgiving!  Thanksgiving is a designated day when we are grateful for the blessings we have received. It is a time to be thankful for the great things happening in our lives, knowing fully well that, whatever situation we are in could have been worse. Before you sit down and start digging into your Thanksgiving turkey, remember that for more than half of the world population, your meal is a luxury. I know the healthcare is not perfect but more than half of the world population have none at all.  Education is expensive but a lot of people all over the world have no education at all. The UN just established Malala Day in recognition of Malala who was shot because she encouraged young girls to be educated in Pakistan.  We live in an imperfect world and there will always be issues, but we choose to focus on whats working in our lives. The fact that we are alive means there is hope and that's something to be grateful for. We live in a country that is the envy of the world. The veterans sacrifice their lives so that we can all live in peace. Whatever we appreciate increases in value, so, Thanksgiving should be done on a daily basis in our hearts. Today is a gift, tomorrow is a promise, why not give thanks for the hope of a greater tomorrow. Happy thanksgiving and Bon appetit everyone!

The statement "You can do anything you set your mind to do" is not totally true

"You can do anything you set your mind to do", is often taken out of context. This statement in my opinion is like a two edged sword. It has helped so many people and brought so many others down. This quote can be spinned however you like but lets put these words in proper context. If I told you that you could do or be anything you want and you take the statement literally, you definitely could take some honey and lime and pick up a microphone and try to sing like Mariah Careh, hopefully the sound coming out is not too frightening. It takes more than hard work to sing like Whitney Houston, entertain like Michael Jackson, act like Julia Roberts, compose like Andrew Webber and build an organization like Steve Jobs did. You have got to have talent. So when the statement "You can do anything you set your mind to do"  is used, people are talking about achieving excellence or making what seems impossible possible by pursuing your talents. This is because when you pursue your talents, there are no limits to what you can achieve, but there are limits when all you have are skills. You are usually the best at what you love and thats related to your talents.

Jim Weinner, CEO of linkedin, recently echoed the same words but what exactly did he mean.My goal is to help you put some balance to these statement so that you are better informed.  Success has many paths but two are non negotiable, which are hard/smart work and talent. If you have a natural talent in an area and you couple that with hard work, in a matter of time, the world will notice you. So why aren't many people successful? I don't have all the answers but this i know for sure, many people have chosen careers based on either the economy, family pressure, prestige, peer influence or uncertainty. These people are hard working for sure but they are struggling to keep up. There are trying to be anything they want to be. A problem that often occurs is, when you compare these group with people who have the natural ability and are hard working, they often fall short. They can be successful in their careers alright but they are probably not fulfilled because they have chased dreams that was not built or designed for their talents. 

We don't have to look much further, just go to hospitals and see disgruntled health workers who are mean  to the patienrs they are sworn to protect. Classrooms are filled with professors who hate teaching and students pay the price for that. Students who see the class as a bridge to a bigger dream or a dream itself, often don't let the inadequacies of a teacher or TA deter them. Too many people are trying to be what they are not and ignoring who they are and that's messing up so many lives . I have a friend who was one of the best medical students in his class and graduated with flying colors. He never practiced medicine a day in his life. Today he is in finance. He succeeded and was the best in medicine but he wasn't fulfilled. Whatever dream you are chasing should bring you fulfillment. Prestige, fame, money are byproducts of a fulfilled career. 

You can set your mind to do anything (achieve sustainable excellence), if you pursue your dreams and accomplish them through your talents. When you do, all other things will follow.

Job Hunting?

Looking for a job is a job in itself. Combing that with any other kind of work can make job hunting seem overwhelming. What doesn't help is when employers do not get back to you or you see very generic emails and you know that your resume wasn't given the light of day. I have had my share of both good and bad experiences  and I am hoping you learn from both  via the following:

1. Finding a job is similar to finding a future partner. You want to make sure you get it right rather than making it right. I recommend that you read StrengthsFinder 2.0,  take the Myers Briggs  and  Strongs Interests Inventory tests. They will help you in matching your talents with potential roles you would excel at.
2. Have a list of potential companies you will like to work for and check out their job requirements. You can use this to choose potential classes in college.
3. Start looking early- typically you should start looking for a job a year before you think you need one. This is because it can take  a long time for background checks, paper work etc. This also reduces pressure on you instead of waiting till the last minute. I hear someone say I don't have that time anymore, thats okay, look at the next point.
4. Use your network - Find out where your friends, parents friends, friends of friends are  and try to get connected with them. Linkedin is a great tool for this, I actually got some interviews via linkedin. I got my internship through a friend who worked at the company. He took my resume to the hiring manager and I had the skills they were looking for.
5. It is important that you know if a company is a good fit for you. I know this does not seem important if you just need a job to pay the bills. A good balance  is to find out if you can do an internship or volunteer their. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage, so it is better to use your internship as a good fit test.
6. Looking for your next job or internship can look like forever, but do not loose hope. While you are waiting, you can invest in yourself by volunteering and start preparing for interviews (behavioral based) cause you never know when you will get that call.
7. Lastly, have you thought of starting a business or putting some flesh to that childhood dream. Richard Branson founder Virgin records and Virgin Atlantic, started his company because he was tired of receiving rejection letters. Richard Branson is one of the wealthiest men in America today.  Not having a job does not mean you have no talents, maybe you are meant to be a job provider for others.  Henry Ford said does who dont take risks work for those who do. Go for it, you can do it.

Lessons from 2012 US Presidential Elections

The elections have come and gone, while we may be in a hurry to forget the details of the bitter campaign, we must not forget the lessons left behind. Fortunately, there is something to take away for everyone and they are neither red or blue centered. The following are my top picks:

1. The solution to the economy lies neither with Obama or Romney according to Ken Fisher a   columnist for Forbes magazine and the Founder and CEO of Fisher Investments. (I hope that makes you feel better). 
2. Never under estimate the competition no matter how good you are. We all know the impact a bad debate had on President Obama. 
3. Be careful what you say especially when you are on camera. It can eventually be taken out of context and used against you. We remember the infamous 47% comments made by Gov Romney and the redistribution of wealth statements by President Obama.
4. On matters of principle, be firm. For anything else, go with the flow. Both presidential candidates were accused of flip flopping. This reduced credibility and believability on both aisles.
5. Focus on issues and not personalities. Any time either candidate focused  on race, wealth, birth certificate...etc. It often worked against them and made the public sympathetic to the perceived underdog.
6. The moments after victory or defeat are important because they can make you memorable or forgettable. I am not in a position to judge authenticity but Pres Obama's speech seemed inclusive while Gov Romney seemed like an outreach
7. No condition is permanent. Gov Romney nearly won the election  which was impressive considering the fact that he was several points below the president.
8. It is not necessarily the best candidate that wins an election but the first seller. The democrats had many negatives going into the election but they compensated that with a good strategy to bring out their supporters. The republicans had a good message but  were outwitted by the sales team of the democrats
9. Diversity is the spice of life and it helps win elections too - Just before the winner was announced, the democrats had a lot of diversity in the crowd but the republican crowd was very homogeneous.  
10. People will first buy into you before they burn into what you have to offer.
11. The American dollar bill has on it "In God We Trust". I guess that the nation builders put that for a reason knowing that the best of us is still fallible.
12. Where there is life, there is hope. There is hope for America. Division means two visions. Any divided house is sure to fall. It is time to come together and do great things again.  You have done it before, you can do it again.

Band-Aid Relationships

Band-Aids are often used in dressing burns, wounds etc.  Band-Aids are often temporary solutions to  bigger pending issues.  Imagine a person who puts on a band-aid due to an injury. Once the injury heals, the band-aid is taken off. It has served its function and its time to take it off.

Just like band-aid needs to be taken off when an injury heals, so your help may no longer be required when the person is stronger and can better handle the situation. The issue now is that you have become attached to the person you were trying to help and breaking off seems hard.

Band-Aids are good but they are temporary. We have all been or had band-aid relationships in our lives. Many people have felt used because someone they helped overcome a difficult situation moved on and left them hanging.  It is true that your feelings of ingratitude from the person you assisted may be justified, many times, you have just fallen victim of the band-aid relationship. When we try to outlive the season of any relationship, it gets sour and we  get frustrated. In band-aid relationships,  the person in question often sees you as a spacer (someone for the season) and you see the person as a keeper (long lasting). Not being on the same page results in both parties  being disappointed. In many band-aid relationships, the person going through a hard time is not  trying to use you. Just like you don't need a crutch when your leg heals, so does the person in question will let go of your assistance when they are better. So, you may want to check your motives before you decide to be a shoulder to lean on.

So what happens when you really like someone and you dont want to become a band-aid victim?

 It is important that you guard your emotions and be objective about the situation. Not every relationship is permanent, some are seasonal. Also, focus more on what the person needs and not what you have to get out of it. Ask yourself, if you are expecting a form of compensation or returned favor for the actions you are rendering? You can get other people involved so that the person in question is not overly dependent on you.  If your kind gesture is not reciprocated, you can be content that you did the right thing by helping a hurting soul. 

Remember, you only have control over your actions and not anyone else. Love is like a gift that you need not do anything to earn . 

Change with Change or Be Exchanged

I had mixed feelings when we moved to a different neighborhood when I was growing up. I was excited we were moving into a new house, but these feelings faded quickly when I thought about the friends I wouldn’t see anymore. I was not sure what our new environment would look like. Would the neighbors be friendly? Would I make new friends? Would the other kids even like me? So many questions flew through my head but very few answers. The thought of how things were going to be different was frightening.

I have come to accept that change is the only constant in this world. I didn’t like change because I was uncertain of what it would bring. We all want predictability in our lives to some degree. In my experience, change is an opportunity to get it right, a second chance to redefine and evolve.

Change comes to all of us and is a matter of when, not if. I believe the best way to prepare for change is to enjoy every season of life and leave no room for regrets. There are many things over which we have no control, but we do have a say about our memories. It takes only a moment for reality to become a memory, so make every one of them count.