How many times have you backed away from an idea or lost your voice just because you wanted to avoid conflict. You are probably afraid of hurting someone's feelings or losing a relationship. Any connection that does not allow or encourage you to express yourself is retarding you. It is important to take responsibility for expressing yourself and not waiting for permission from others to do so. Expressing yourself can potentially save your company or others valuable resources and time, if you decide to speak up for what you believe in. Patrick Lencioni, a leadership guru, and the author of "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team", said it was a myth that great teams do not have conflicts. He argues that absence of constructive conflicts on a team indicates artificial harmony, which is unhealthy for any high performing group. If everyone appears to think the same on a group, it shows there are people who are hiding their thoughts. I believe that people who refuse to express their ideas just to maintain the status quo are more harmful to a relationship or an organization than the potential conflict that could have occurred.
Conflict does not have to mean war or a shouting contest between people. Conflict means you have a diverging opinion from someone else. Everyone says variety is the spice of life and that means we should be proud and happy to share our diverging points in our relationships and work places. Conflicts become unhealthy when our approach focuses on an individual rather than the issues at hand. This makes people defensive and they are no longer listening to what you are saying. Resolving conflicts should not be with the aim of saying "I am right and you are wrong", but how the different perspectives can move the group forward. In handling conflicts, seek first to understand than to be understood. When you see where a person is coming from, you are better able to make a constructive contribution that will help your team. Do not say "it will not work" or "that does not make sense". You only make the other person try not to look dumb and you are at a deadlock. Rather, tell your team member the things you agree on or what the merits of their proposal is. Ask they provide more information on areas you are struggling with.
Healthy Conflicts can make a group more productive by creating open communication, eliminating suspicions and building ties that bind the group together. It is okay to disagree to agree. Great relationships and organizations are about unity and not uniformity.
Check out part 2 in coming posts.
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