How to Ace The Fall Quarter

Summer is over and Fall quarter is already seeming overwhelming. If you are like me, you may need a mental transition to get back into the groove of things. Fall offers so many distractions and opportunities to make things right again. I am sure some of you have realized that though you did not require much study during high school, college is an equalizer. The people who get A's are not necessary the best and brightest, but the ones who are prepared to pay due diligence and start the quarter right from day one. If you are ready to have a great  and fulfilling quarter, then I'll invite you to read on. To have a great quarter you can do the following:

1. Determine what your goals for the quarter are.  Write down your academic, relationship goals, sports, social and spiritual goals
2. Now determine the ones that are most important to you. I am guessing academics should be number one. You can list your priorities in the following order. - Highly Important & Urgent - Highly Important & Not Urgent, - Low Importance & Urgent, - Low Importance & Not Urgent. Your objective is to accomplish all the highly important things first before you move to the ones that have low importance. Proper time management is what separates the A students from the rest. 
3. Write down a daily plain on how you are going to achieve your goals for the above
4. It is important to make friends and have social activities but it is crucial that you understand yourself and know how much you can handle. Don't compare yourself with others, your friends may be able to be in 10 different groups, party, be in relationships and yet still get A's.
5. Association is key to inspiration. After you have determined where you want to go with your quarter, it is important you find a team of friends that will help you stay on track. When I wanted to improve my grades while in college, I found a group of people who where already where I wanted to be. These people had a positive influence in my life and they eventually became dear friends of mine. If you want to get better, surround yourself with smarter people. If this is going to work, you have to see yourself as a contributor to the group and not just an observer or drainer.
6. Get a mentor:  Look for people who can be of help such as faculty, TA's & older students. In choosing a mentor, choose someone you have a connection with and is willingly to help.Your mentors can help you through personal stuff and ensure you are fully engaged in school 
7. Play hard:  if you have worked hard then you need to play hard in order not to burn out.

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Fight or Flight

When pushed to our limits we either fight or fly. It is always easier to fly and escape from the situation. If you and I want to make a difference in this tough world, we have to develop a thick skin. Tough times never last but tough people do. You can handle much more than you think you can. If you want to be a winner then you must practice winning by learning not to quit on your dreams but perserve through the storms. Fighting also requires knowing when to fly - if your life is danger, drop all else and run.  That is wisdom!

There is Always a Way

Everyone of us will go through challenging times at some point in our lives. We can either surrender to our circumstances or keep hoping and believing that a door will open if we keep pressing on. Our resolve and belief that things will eventually work out is what separates victors from victims. It takes the hammer of persistence to drive in the nails of success. The world always makes room for a person who knows where they are going. Remember that it always seems darkest before dawn, so keep keeping on. Winners never quit and quitters never win. You are a winner!

Just Do it!

How to Apologize

How many times have your intentions being misunderstood by others and led to  anger, grudges and even broken relationships. I have been on that path before and this prompted me to investigate the proper way to apologize. Even the best communicators and well mannered people could offend others without realizing it. It is important that we learn the art of a good apology and hopefully that helps to restore and strengthen both or personal and business relationships. A good apology requires work because you have to prepare for the apology and hopefully you get a positive response from the other person.

According to Aaron Lazare, former dean and professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and author of the book on Apology, a good apology should contain the following:

1. An acknowledgement of the offense
2. An explanation of your actions
3. An expression of remorse
4. Some sort of reparation

Lazare says, " If you admit responsibility but don't say you regret anything, then you are justifying your actions. You are saying, Yes I did it but heres why. If you admit regret but not responsibility, thats an excuse." It is important that a good apology indicates ownership of what happened and also clear in admitting regret for what happened.  Of course a good apology has to have a heart to it and not just mechanical. According to Lazare, "I'm sorry if you got offended", " I'm sorry-ish" - are not apologies. Hugging it out or giving a hi five should only be suggested by the offending party.  Crying it out may be a little too much. Remember to maintain eye contact, avoid smiling so as not to water down what you are trying to do.

Giving someone a heartfelt  apology is an attribute of the strong and not of weaklings. It is a good and honorable thing to do. It has the power to restore broken relationships and make them stronger. Would you rather loose your pride or a great relationship? Do the right thing. The perfect time is now.

How an Introvert Can Be Happier... (2)

This a follow up from part 1

You might wonder if acting against your natural tendencies will wear you out eventually? Dr Zelenski said, " We didn't find a lot of evidence for the idea that acting like an extrovert will wear out introverts. However we found that acting like introverts wore out extroverts".  Prof Brian Little, a psychology professor at Cambridge, University in the United Kingdom, disagrees with Dr Zelenski's findings. He believes that acting out of character can take a psychological toll on the nervous and immune systems. He believes that an introvert who often has to engage in extroverted behavior, such as making speeches, in order to advance his work. Afterward, Dr little says he often needs to emotionally recharge.

Some researchers believe that genetics also plays a factor why people act the way they do. Luke Smilie, a senior lecturer of psychology at the university of Melbourne in Australia, brings in a different perspective and notes that most studies about introverts and extroverts take place in the US and other western countries where extroversion is often regarded to be valuable. Luke says, " Would you observe the same effects in cultures that didn't have this sort of value placed on being outgoing and assertive and so forth? he said   

Susan Cain, a corporate lawyer and the author of the book,"Quiet: the power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," which argues that introverts are unfairly maligned. Rather than trying to to get introverts to act more extroverted, she argues that society should be drawing on their natural strengths, which can include being a good listener and working creatively. 

How an Introvert Can Be Happier: Act Like ...(1)

On my flight from Atlanta, I saw an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal, titled, "How an Introvert Can Be Happier: Act Like an Extrovert". Below is an excerpt from the article.

Extroverts, those outgoing, gregarious types who wear their personalities on their sleeve, are generally happier, studies show. Some research also has found that introverts , who are more withdrawn in nature, will feel a greater sense of happiness if they act extroverted. Experts are not entirely sure why acting like extroverts makes people feel better. One theory is that being a talkative and engaging influences how people respond to you, especially if that response is positive. some studies have shown that extroverts are more motivated than introverts. Researchers believe this is due in part to extroverts greater sensitivity to dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a big role in behavior driven rewards. Others speculate that people get more satisfaction when they express their core opinions. "If you are introverted and act extroverted, you will feel happier. It doesn't matter who you are, it's all about what you do." said William Fleeson, a psychology professor at Wake forest University in Winston Salem, N.C.

Mr Powell disagrees with research findings that extroverts are happier and more motivated. Mr powell says that his source of happiness include learning and reading a good book. " I may not share my happiness as willingly as other people...but I consider myself just as happy  and I'm extremely motivated to learn  and grow as an individual."

So why don't introverts act like extroverts more often? John Zelenski a psychologist at Carleton University in Ottawa, and fellow researchers probed that question. Their findings "Introverts kind of underestimate how much fun it will be to act extroverted.

What do you think about the article about introverts needing to act like extroverts? Do extroverts ever need to act like introverts in order to be more balanced individuals?

Watch out for part 2!

If...

If you had only a day left on earth, what would you do?

If you were to be recognized for one thing, what would it be?

If you could be granted one thing in life except money,  what would it be?

If you were to decide how to spend your last day, what would you do?

If you could only do one thing your entire life, what would you do?

If you could invent anything that currently doesn't exist, what would it be?

If you could relive a day in the past, what day would that be?

If you could say only one word, what would you say?

If you had to sacrifice your life for one thing, what would it be?

The quality of the questions we ask ourselves determine the quality of life we live. While asking the right questions is only a start, we should do something about the answers we come up with. For example,"If you were to be recognized for one thing, what would it be?". I want to be known as someone who makes a positive difference in peoples lives. I want to be known as someone who adds value - a nutrient and not a weed. I am sure many you have the same aspirations, but what are you doing about it. Before you think of changing the world, whose world are you making a difference in right now- your family, neighbors, co-workers or even strangers?  Little drops of water is what makes an ocean. Think globally but act locally. According to Thomas Edison, Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. There is never a perfect time or place to start, the best time is now. 

There are some If questions that are not worth asking because there is nothing  you can do about them. For such, you need to pray this out loud - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.. If questions can be powerful, they help bring to light what we value most. We produce results, when we focus on the things that matter most to us. The time to act is now, lets go.

Did You Know?

Step out and go for it!

Lessons from the Lorax

The Lorax said," Unless someone like you cares an awful lot, nothing is going to get better. Its not ." Jimmy Johnson said,  "The difference between the ordinary and the extraordinary is the little extra". This means you can not afford to live life on neutral and coast from day to day. If you want to make a difference, you've got to find something you are crazy or mad about. What do I mean? You can be crazy enough about something that it keeps you going during the day, and keeps you up at night. Steve jobs was crazy about making computers and even sold some of his possessions to make his dream a reality. When you find your cause, sacrifice is inevitable. The other option is, you are so mad about something and you have got to change it. For example, Nelson Mandela was mad about the injustice experienced by his people during the apartheid years in South Africa. He tried to make a difference by speaking out and this landed him in jail for 27 years. The good news is - Mandela's cross was his crown. Nelson Mandela is a legend and a history maker today.

What are you passionate about? What are you mad about? Whats that childhood dream that never seems to go away? What are you going to do about it? Myles Munroe said the richest place on earth is the grave. It has within it dreams that were never fulfilled. There are too many people hoping and longing for change, and excepting someone somewhere will bring it to them. Lets wake up and listen to Ghandi who said, "Be the change you want to be in the world." Unless someone cares a whole lot about something, nothing really changes. So, show you care through your actions and not just by your intentions. 

It is never to late to make a difference. You are a gift to this generation.  You are not an accident. You matter, let it count!