How to Apologize

How many times have your intentions being misunderstood by others and led to  anger, grudges and even broken relationships. I have been on that path before and this prompted me to investigate the proper way to apologize. Even the best communicators and well mannered people could offend others without realizing it. It is important that we learn the art of a good apology and hopefully that helps to restore and strengthen both or personal and business relationships. A good apology requires work because you have to prepare for the apology and hopefully you get a positive response from the other person.

According to Aaron Lazare, former dean and professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and author of the book on Apology, a good apology should contain the following:

1. An acknowledgement of the offense
2. An explanation of your actions
3. An expression of remorse
4. Some sort of reparation

Lazare says, " If you admit responsibility but don't say you regret anything, then you are justifying your actions. You are saying, Yes I did it but heres why. If you admit regret but not responsibility, thats an excuse." It is important that a good apology indicates ownership of what happened and also clear in admitting regret for what happened.  Of course a good apology has to have a heart to it and not just mechanical. According to Lazare, "I'm sorry if you got offended", " I'm sorry-ish" - are not apologies. Hugging it out or giving a hi five should only be suggested by the offending party.  Crying it out may be a little too much. Remember to maintain eye contact, avoid smiling so as not to water down what you are trying to do.

Giving someone a heartfelt  apology is an attribute of the strong and not of weaklings. It is a good and honorable thing to do. It has the power to restore broken relationships and make them stronger. Would you rather loose your pride or a great relationship? Do the right thing. The perfect time is now.

How an Introvert Can Be Happier... (2)

This a follow up from part 1

You might wonder if acting against your natural tendencies will wear you out eventually? Dr Zelenski said, " We didn't find a lot of evidence for the idea that acting like an extrovert will wear out introverts. However we found that acting like introverts wore out extroverts".  Prof Brian Little, a psychology professor at Cambridge, University in the United Kingdom, disagrees with Dr Zelenski's findings. He believes that acting out of character can take a psychological toll on the nervous and immune systems. He believes that an introvert who often has to engage in extroverted behavior, such as making speeches, in order to advance his work. Afterward, Dr little says he often needs to emotionally recharge.

Some researchers believe that genetics also plays a factor why people act the way they do. Luke Smilie, a senior lecturer of psychology at the university of Melbourne in Australia, brings in a different perspective and notes that most studies about introverts and extroverts take place in the US and other western countries where extroversion is often regarded to be valuable. Luke says, " Would you observe the same effects in cultures that didn't have this sort of value placed on being outgoing and assertive and so forth? he said   

Susan Cain, a corporate lawyer and the author of the book,"Quiet: the power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," which argues that introverts are unfairly maligned. Rather than trying to to get introverts to act more extroverted, she argues that society should be drawing on their natural strengths, which can include being a good listener and working creatively. 

How an Introvert Can Be Happier: Act Like ...(1)

On my flight from Atlanta, I saw an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal, titled, "How an Introvert Can Be Happier: Act Like an Extrovert". Below is an excerpt from the article.

Extroverts, those outgoing, gregarious types who wear their personalities on their sleeve, are generally happier, studies show. Some research also has found that introverts , who are more withdrawn in nature, will feel a greater sense of happiness if they act extroverted. Experts are not entirely sure why acting like extroverts makes people feel better. One theory is that being a talkative and engaging influences how people respond to you, especially if that response is positive. some studies have shown that extroverts are more motivated than introverts. Researchers believe this is due in part to extroverts greater sensitivity to dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays a big role in behavior driven rewards. Others speculate that people get more satisfaction when they express their core opinions. "If you are introverted and act extroverted, you will feel happier. It doesn't matter who you are, it's all about what you do." said William Fleeson, a psychology professor at Wake forest University in Winston Salem, N.C.

Mr Powell disagrees with research findings that extroverts are happier and more motivated. Mr powell says that his source of happiness include learning and reading a good book. " I may not share my happiness as willingly as other people...but I consider myself just as happy  and I'm extremely motivated to learn  and grow as an individual."

So why don't introverts act like extroverts more often? John Zelenski a psychologist at Carleton University in Ottawa, and fellow researchers probed that question. Their findings "Introverts kind of underestimate how much fun it will be to act extroverted.

What do you think about the article about introverts needing to act like extroverts? Do extroverts ever need to act like introverts in order to be more balanced individuals?

Watch out for part 2!

If...

If you had only a day left on earth, what would you do?

If you were to be recognized for one thing, what would it be?

If you could be granted one thing in life except money,  what would it be?

If you were to decide how to spend your last day, what would you do?

If you could only do one thing your entire life, what would you do?

If you could invent anything that currently doesn't exist, what would it be?

If you could relive a day in the past, what day would that be?

If you could say only one word, what would you say?

If you had to sacrifice your life for one thing, what would it be?

The quality of the questions we ask ourselves determine the quality of life we live. While asking the right questions is only a start, we should do something about the answers we come up with. For example,"If you were to be recognized for one thing, what would it be?". I want to be known as someone who makes a positive difference in peoples lives. I want to be known as someone who adds value - a nutrient and not a weed. I am sure many you have the same aspirations, but what are you doing about it. Before you think of changing the world, whose world are you making a difference in right now- your family, neighbors, co-workers or even strangers?  Little drops of water is what makes an ocean. Think globally but act locally. According to Thomas Edison, Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. There is never a perfect time or place to start, the best time is now. 

There are some If questions that are not worth asking because there is nothing  you can do about them. For such, you need to pray this out loud - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.. If questions can be powerful, they help bring to light what we value most. We produce results, when we focus on the things that matter most to us. The time to act is now, lets go.

Did You Know?

Step out and go for it!

Lessons from the Lorax

The Lorax said," Unless someone like you cares an awful lot, nothing is going to get better. Its not ." Jimmy Johnson said,  "The difference between the ordinary and the extraordinary is the little extra". This means you can not afford to live life on neutral and coast from day to day. If you want to make a difference, you've got to find something you are crazy or mad about. What do I mean? You can be crazy enough about something that it keeps you going during the day, and keeps you up at night. Steve jobs was crazy about making computers and even sold some of his possessions to make his dream a reality. When you find your cause, sacrifice is inevitable. The other option is, you are so mad about something and you have got to change it. For example, Nelson Mandela was mad about the injustice experienced by his people during the apartheid years in South Africa. He tried to make a difference by speaking out and this landed him in jail for 27 years. The good news is - Mandela's cross was his crown. Nelson Mandela is a legend and a history maker today.

What are you passionate about? What are you mad about? Whats that childhood dream that never seems to go away? What are you going to do about it? Myles Munroe said the richest place on earth is the grave. It has within it dreams that were never fulfilled. There are too many people hoping and longing for change, and excepting someone somewhere will bring it to them. Lets wake up and listen to Ghandi who said, "Be the change you want to be in the world." Unless someone cares a whole lot about something, nothing really changes. So, show you care through your actions and not just by your intentions. 

It is never to late to make a difference. You are a gift to this generation.  You are not an accident. You matter, let it count!

How to Make an Impact in Your World

I was watching Nik Wallenda make history by working across the Grand Canyon on a tight rope. I was surprised he wore just a tee shirt and jeans and not some aerodynamic apparel. I thought Nik was crazy because he had no safety nets under him incase something happened. The weather condition could have been better but he was determined to walk the tight rope. I couldn't have taken that risk for a million dollars. I was pondering what could have made him risk everything including the ones he loved the most (family). I realized that like Nik, if anyone of us wants to make an impact in our world, we need to have the following boxes ticked.

1. Follow your passion - Nik knew he always wanted to be a tight rope professional since he was two years old. He came from a family of tight rope walkers and that gave him a head start.  
2. Invest in your passion by starting small and early -  Nik didn't start  tight rope climbing working  across the Grand Canyon, he grew into that after streams of other successes. Similarly, it is never to early to invest in your passion if you have discovered what you want to do.  Nik said he started training for his passion since he was two. Michael Jackson started practicing for show biz at Five, Tiger woods was introduced to golf before he was Two years-old, Gabby Douglas went off to a gymnastics school at eight years of age
3. Take risks - It is easier to take risks if its for something you love to do. I am sure you have heard about people who have been beaten by sharks while surfing and end up going back to surf when they have recovered. Those who achieve greatness do not have a plan B. They give it everything they have got. Steve Jobs sold what he had to start the Apple. When you love what you do, you will live your dreams. 
4. Achievement- Your passion, investment and love for what you do will give you confidence and make you achieve greater
5. Focus - Nik could not afford to be distracted while on that rope. He focused on his focus and later became the focus. If you are going to make an impact, you have to ignore the noise and distractions around you. Distractions can come in the form of chasing too many good ideas at the same time. Focus on one and the success of that will birth others.
6. Conceive - Nik had seen himself walk that rope in his mind several times. The actual day was just a dress rehearsal of what he had achieved in his mind. Your mental picture will determine your actual future
7. Believe - If you think you can, you are right. If you think you can't, you are also right. To make an impact in your world, you must believe in yourself and your abilities or else, no one will.

A New Day

If you think you can keep hurts within you and live a perfectly happy and healthy life, then you may need to think again. Hurts are like cancer that eventually eat into the fabric of every area of our lives. It often starts as something small but it eventually grows to become an elephant and it controls you. So letting go of hurts is actually doing yourself a favor.

 Too many times many of us end up complaining about how things could have been if  x or y had happened. There is nothing we can do about the past so lets get over it. How you ask? Take responsibility for your happiness, learn from your mistakes,  forgive yourself and any other person who may be involved and then move on. Give yourself a gift by choosing to rewrite the future. Let today be a turning point and mark a new beginning in your life. No more excuses, complains or justifications. Decide that the rest of your life is going to be the best of your life. Thats a decision only you can make and it is worth making.

How to Be a Champion

How to Eat an Elephant

I remember when I chose to have a healthier life style and started going to the gym. I was very discouraged because I felt my efforts were not proportional to my results and so I gave up several times. I later realized that the problem was my motive, I was looking for a quick fix and when that didn't happen, I jumped ship. I knew that in order to be the person I wanted to be, I had to focus more on the journey than the destination. I focused on changing my health habits a day at a time and I made small steps that were going to be a life style for me. I am not where I want to be but thank God, I am far from where I used to be. I was driving the change I wanted to be and not allowing the change I wanted to see overwhelm me.

Like anything else, change has to be taken one step at a time. The way to eat an elephant is one piece at a time or it seems like a mission impossible. Have the end in mind but be prepared to take  one step at a time to get there

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