Are You F.A.T?

It is no secret that having loads of potentials does not always translate into being successful. Being the best student in your class or the most hard working person in your organization does not mean you are going to be the most successful or emerge as the company CEO. Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, “Outliers”, observed that many people who won the Nobel Prize were not geniuses. They had just enough IQ to get them into college. Also, talent shows like the American Idol, show that the most talented artist is not always crowned the winner. This certainly shows that success is cumulative and it takes more than talent to succeed. People who succeed have a rugged and unwavering commitment to their cause. They are Focused, Available and Trainable (F.A.T)? If you’ve got talent, you may want to apply the F.A.T principle in getting to the next level. Let’s take a look at the F.A.T principle more closely:

Are you Focused? – A friend gave me an analogy one day on the power of focus – he said when you sprinkle water on the ground, it doesn’t take long for the effect to disappear, but when you pour water on a particular spot, you cannot deny the impact that was created. Similarly, when you pursue a lot of ideas and dreams at once, each one of them will only dissipate your energy and you find out that you are not outstanding in any. Think of any successful company, you will notice that what made them successful initially was a single product. For example, Coca Cola is mainly known for it’s star brand Coke. Prioritize your dreams, the success of one dream will birth all your other dreams. When you focus on your focus you will one day become the focus of the world’s admiration.

Available and Able – No matter how talented you are, you must be willingly, available and ready to put in the required hours to turn your dreams to reality. Bear in mind that it is possible to be talented and still be mediocre in performance, if you are complacent. You also need to be realistic about what your strengths and weaknesses are. Steve Jobs is a firm believer that you will excel and what you love to do. When you are putting a ton of hours, the pain you feel is the one that drives you to be better and not burned out. Malcolm Gladwell, argues that there is a very thin line in performance between ability and availability, if over 10,000 hours have been deployed to a particular craft or profession.

Trainable – Are you trainable? Are you a filled glass? It’s only a thirsty person that seeks to quench his thirst. You do not know it all. According to Michael Dell, "If you are the smartest person in the room, you are probably in the wrong room". Time and time again studies have shown that a person’s attitude can make or break, regardless of how talented you may be. If you are willing to learn, people will show up and help you get to where you need to be. There is no point in re-inventing the wheel. If you want to go up, humble yourself and ask for help from mentors. Asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness. A wise man knows what he knows and develops his weak areas by associating with people who are smarter than himself. When you stand on the shoulder of a giant you see further.

Your best days ahead of you! Stay focused. Make yourself available. Be humble – there is something you can learn from everyone. Yeah we have all made mistakes and made wrong decisions. That’s okay. Take the mishaps as your schooling period and move on. Get back on your feet. The world is waiting on you to make your impact. You are here, you are valuable and you matter! Make it count!

What do you think? I'd love to hear your views and if you like this article please do share it with others.

Photo Credits: Joe Na

Can You?

#Bring Back Our Girls

Aim High!

It is when you try to do something beyond what you have mastered that growth occurs. Not doing more than the average is what keeps the average down. The difference between the ordinary and the extra ordinary is the little extra. 

Dare to be You!!!

No one ever became great by imitation. Imitation is limitation. Don't be a copy of something, when you are an original of yourself. There is no one else like you. Dare to be you. 

Let Go!

What Are You Going to Choose Today?

Everything going on in our life can be attributed to the decisions we made. Some might argue that some circumstances in life are beyond our choosing, but how  we respond to such is a choice. So choose to be a victor and not a victim, a responder and not a reactor to life, a lover and not a fighter. Choose to make peace and not war with your family, neighbors and friends. Choose to get back up after a fall. Choose to excel, love and most of all, choose to be you.

Seven Tips on Having a Great Day!

The way you start your day is a good indicator on how the day is going to end. Your day actually starts the night before. End your day on a good note and it will give leverage to starting your new day. Remember,  it is important to start the day right rather than trying to play catch up. The following are tips that have helped me have a great day:

1. Power Talk - What do you want your day to look like? You can only feature in a future you can picture. I start my day by creating it. Have a mental picture of what you want your day to look like. I say, "Today is going to be a great day". I say out loud that I am able to handle all the challenges that come my way. I remind myself that I have what it takes to pull the day off. I am a problem solver. The solution and not the problem.  I do not wait for things to happen, I make them happen. I do not need anyone to treat me a certain way in other to feel special or do my best. I am going to give today my best.
2. Priortize - Have you noticed that the little unimportant things can take up to 80% of your time and you have very little time to focus on the important things? The way out is focus on your highly important and urgent work first, and go from there.
3. Do - Do something that will make someones day better and brighter. How can you help someone on your team get closer to their goal. You will discover that the sunlight you bring out in others will shine on you too.
4. Exercise - You don't have time, you say? Why don't you take the stairs instead of the elevator or have a walking meeting? Exercise has a way of making us feel good and that enhances our productivity.
5. Schedule - Create time in your calendar to think and plan. Remind yourself of why you are doing what you are doing and what you need to do daily to get you to where you want to be. Just reacting to what your day throws at you is not a good recipe for success.
6. Connect - Relationship depth have a taken a hit; no thanks to social media. You will be surprised how a brief conversation over the phone, a thoughtful note will energize you and make you more vibrant.
7. Take a Break - You have tons to do right? If you keep working without breaks you will reach a plateau and will start loosing productivity. Short breaks even for 5 to 10 minutes can get you going again.
Bonus  - A smile adds beauty to you. So, smile! It takes a  lot more energy to frown than to smile. 

HappY New Year!

Thank you for all your support and encouragement! I'll keep doing my best to keep you updated with messages and stories that will bring about a turning point in your 2014 Journey. Watch out for 2014, it is going to be better than ever! I wish you a prosperous year and may all your dreams come true.

Why You Should Stop Recycling in 2014

                                           

I recently moved to Oregon from California and as many would imagine, the weather was a big concern moving here. Few weeks in, I am actually enjoying the Portlandia experience. I had absorbed a lot of sunshine from California that will keep me going for a while. As a former graduate student in California, we had to manage the resources we had but moving into a new place necessitated we get a few things we could afford, one of which was a sofa. I was attached to the old one but we did not have much room to keep it, so we eventually donated it ( a form of recycling). My sofa had found a new home. Recycling can be beautiful because it ensures sustainability, conserves resources and eliminates waste. This is great when we think of natural resources, products or material items. Recycling on another note has prevented a lot of people from enjoying the new because they keep recycling old hurts, negative experiences and grudges in their minds. The problem with this is that it leads to emotional congestion.  These results in lack of productivity with symptoms such as frustration, depression, low self-worth and esteem, pessimism, and the whole nine yards. Just like I had to let go of my old sofa to create room for the new, we need to bring closure to the wounds we have been recycling for a very long time. It’s time to let it go if we want to enjoy the new. Not the basement or any other storage place, let it go.

If you’ve ever put in batteries into a remote control or any gadget, the manufacturers often advice not to mix old batteries with new ones in order to get optimum performance. Similarly, harboring the past contaminates the future. For example, imagine seeing a dead fly in your glass of water. You don’t recycle it, you eliminate it.  If you truly want to have a new year and not take any excess baggage with you from the past, then you have to have look within and ask yourself, “What do I have to stop recycling in my life? What are the things I need to have closure on? Who are the people I need to forgive or give a second chance. Who are the people in my life I have to say goodbye to? I know you may have attachments to the past because you have worked so hard and invested a ton, but you never know what you may be missing until the new arrives. I hope you stop recycling the past in 2014 and start the New Year with fresh rigor and expectation.

The Number One Thing You Must Never Give Away

I am sure you are wondering what the number one  thing you must never give away is. I'll go straight to the point. Self esteem/confidence/worth is the number one thing you must never give away. For example, if the only time you ever feel good about yourself is when someone pays you a compliment then you have let other person determine how you feel and how your day will go. You do not need anyone's permission to be yourself. You are destined for great things. You are a star and the number one thing that stars do is shine! No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. The way you see yourself comes largely from your identity. The good news is that identities are never written in ink. The day you discover that is the day you become free. Do not let your past experiences or background be a set back for you, rather let it set you up for bigger and better things. President Mandela did not let what other people's opinion of him crush his dream of seeing a free and united South Africa.  

What's your foundation? The strength of a building is dependent on its foundation. If the foundation is weak, the house will not stand when the storm comes. Where do you derive your identity from? Remember beauty will fade, a good degree or family name does not solve all life's problems. There are three things that will last forever; Faith, Hope & Love. The greatest of these is love. Mandela fought for it and he will forever be remembered.

What to let go Before 2014

      Driving and looking through the rear mirror will only result in anyone having an accident. You can't dream of a better future clinging to the past. So, it is imperative to let go of anything that maybe holding you back. A 100 m  sprint athlete or swimmer understands the importance of eliminating unnecessary weights in order to achieve optimum performance. Similarly, if we want to achieve our life's best, we need to get rid of any weights that easily entangles us. In life everyones journey is different but the following are weights that easily slow us down and prevent us from becoming our best:

Hurts & Bitterness - Except you exit the planet, people will hurt you, especially the ones you love the most. offenses are inevitable but carrying them is a choice. Holding grudges only keeps you within a cell while the offender roams free. You can choose to do something about it. Forgive and let go. Do not spend endless time talking about those painful issues, you only set yourself up to relive the negative experiences. Rather,  talk about your expectations.

Toxic Relationships -   It is important to periodically scan the relationships in your life. Some people in your life are like heavy weights that retard your progress. There is no point keeping them on, let them go. ( I am assuming you've had a chat with this people in your life but seems they are finding it impossible to change their spots).

Closet: Time to wander through your closet and give out clothes or any other items that you have not worn in a year.

Procrastination -  Do your words have any meaning or value to them? Do you say what you mean and mean what you say? let go of any lazy habits that prevent from keeping your most priced possession ( your words)

Weight - Health is wealth. Put on your running or dancing shoes and do some exercise. You will be amazed how refreshed you feel and this would inevitably turn on your creative side.

Pride: Pride is like baggage drop it. If you need help ask for it. Someone has the solution to your questions and vice versa. There is no need to reinvent the wheel. 

How to Prevent a Relationship Shutdown

Communication is the life blood of any relationship, once communication stops, your relationship begins to deteriorate. When you want to turn off your computer you are given the options - Standby, Turn off and Restart. These options are very similar to the options we have when we encounter difficulties in our personal and professional relationships. Each of these options have their consequences, but one that may be overlooked is the  cancel option.  This option enables you to think about the consequences of your action or inaction before you take a rash decision.   A good example of a "Turn Off" action is the recent US government shutdown. The House of Congress and the White House focused more on their differences and that resulted in a communication breakdown and resulted in almost a million people suffering for the poor decisions of their leaders. The divorce rate in America is about 50% and companies spend billions every year on managing conflict. It is no secret that your ability to get along with people you would rather avoid is critical to your success in both your personal and professional lives. When you meet people you like, you focus more on what you have in common. For those you would rather avoid, you tend to focus on your differences.  To stay connected with others, we have to train ourselves to focus on the good in others. I agree it may be difficult locating bright spots in some people, but if you find it, it will make your life a lot easier.

Depending on your personality, you will probably respond to tense situations differently. If your goal is to prevent your relationship from shutting down, it is important that you do not sweep situations under the carpet. Ignoring the elephant in the room will not make it go away, in fact, the elephant will destroy more things the longer its left wondering around. I hear you say, "I do not like confrontation" but the truth is, whatever you are unwillingly to confront never goes away. Mediums such as email, telephone can easily be escape routes but are more easily misinterpreted. A face to face, heart to heart conversation still works wonders. Remember you can prevent a shut down in your relationships by both sides compromising and not destroying it by finger pointing. 

Stop Worrying About What Other People Think About You!

I used to worry a lot about other people's opinion about me and it resulted in me being a people pleaser though I remained unhappy. My turning point came when I discovered that in order to have any healthy and striving relationship, I had to be myself and more importantly, I had to accept my individuality and celebrate my originality. Many times when you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one. It is no secret that people are more interested in themselves and their issues rather than thinking about others. It is also unwise to spend more time on a critic than a friend.  If you have to act in a certain way or be someone else in other to fit into a group or get a friend then its not worth your time and effort. There are people out there who appreciate and see your uniqueness. Its not your responsibility to convince anyone to see the gem in you. 

Life is short, don't waste time worrying about what people think of you. Hold on to the ones that care, in the end they will be the only ones there. That said,  A lot of people these days are unwilling to accept feedback and forget that feedback is vital for growth in any relationship. Worry about your character and not your reputation, because your character is who you are, and your reputation is only what people think of you. 

If you like what you read, why don't you share it with someone today.

Its a New Day!

Its time to stop complaining about what could have been or what you had achieved in the past. There is no present without a past. Champions use their pasts as stepping stones to achieve their goals. No one can determine your future but you. It may be true that life may have dealt you the wrong set of cards but you can choose how you respond. Why don't you choose to start afresh. You may not be able to rewrite the past but you can rewrite the future.  Where there is a way, there is a will. You can do it!

How to Ace The Fall Quarter

Summer is over and Fall quarter is already seeming overwhelming. If you are like me, you may need a mental transition to get back into the groove of things. Fall offers so many distractions and opportunities to make things right again. I am sure some of you have realized that though you did not require much study during high school, college is an equalizer. The people who get A's are not necessary the best and brightest, but the ones who are prepared to pay due diligence and start the quarter right from day one. If you are ready to have a great  and fulfilling quarter, then I'll invite you to read on. To have a great quarter you can do the following:

1. Determine what your goals for the quarter are.  Write down your academic, relationship goals, sports, social and spiritual goals
2. Now determine the ones that are most important to you. I am guessing academics should be number one. You can list your priorities in the following order. - Highly Important & Urgent - Highly Important & Not Urgent, - Low Importance & Urgent, - Low Importance & Not Urgent. Your objective is to accomplish all the highly important things first before you move to the ones that have low importance. Proper time management is what separates the A students from the rest. 
3. Write down a daily plain on how you are going to achieve your goals for the above
4. It is important to make friends and have social activities but it is crucial that you understand yourself and know how much you can handle. Don't compare yourself with others, your friends may be able to be in 10 different groups, party, be in relationships and yet still get A's.
5. Association is key to inspiration. After you have determined where you want to go with your quarter, it is important you find a team of friends that will help you stay on track. When I wanted to improve my grades while in college, I found a group of people who where already where I wanted to be. These people had a positive influence in my life and they eventually became dear friends of mine. If you want to get better, surround yourself with smarter people. If this is going to work, you have to see yourself as a contributor to the group and not just an observer or drainer.
6. Get a mentor:  Look for people who can be of help such as faculty, TA's & older students. In choosing a mentor, choose someone you have a connection with and is willingly to help.Your mentors can help you through personal stuff and ensure you are fully engaged in school 
7. Play hard:  if you have worked hard then you need to play hard in order not to burn out.

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Fight or Flight

When pushed to our limits we either fight or fly. It is always easier to fly and escape from the situation. If you and I want to make a difference in this tough world, we have to develop a thick skin. Tough times never last but tough people do. You can handle much more than you think you can. If you want to be a winner then you must practice winning by learning not to quit on your dreams but perserve through the storms. Fighting also requires knowing when to fly - if your life is danger, drop all else and run.  That is wisdom!

There is Always a Way

Everyone of us will go through challenging times at some point in our lives. We can either surrender to our circumstances or keep hoping and believing that a door will open if we keep pressing on. Our resolve and belief that things will eventually work out is what separates victors from victims. It takes the hammer of persistence to drive in the nails of success. The world always makes room for a person who knows where they are going. Remember that it always seems darkest before dawn, so keep keeping on. Winners never quit and quitters never win. You are a winner!

Just Do it!

How to Apologize

How many times have your intentions being misunderstood by others and led to  anger, grudges and even broken relationships. I have been on that path before and this prompted me to investigate the proper way to apologize. Even the best communicators and well mannered people could offend others without realizing it. It is important that we learn the art of a good apology and hopefully that helps to restore and strengthen both or personal and business relationships. A good apology requires work because you have to prepare for the apology and hopefully you get a positive response from the other person.

According to Aaron Lazare, former dean and professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and author of the book on Apology, a good apology should contain the following:

1. An acknowledgement of the offense
2. An explanation of your actions
3. An expression of remorse
4. Some sort of reparation

Lazare says, " If you admit responsibility but don't say you regret anything, then you are justifying your actions. You are saying, Yes I did it but heres why. If you admit regret but not responsibility, thats an excuse." It is important that a good apology indicates ownership of what happened and also clear in admitting regret for what happened.  Of course a good apology has to have a heart to it and not just mechanical. According to Lazare, "I'm sorry if you got offended", " I'm sorry-ish" - are not apologies. Hugging it out or giving a hi five should only be suggested by the offending party.  Crying it out may be a little too much. Remember to maintain eye contact, avoid smiling so as not to water down what you are trying to do.

Giving someone a heartfelt  apology is an attribute of the strong and not of weaklings. It is a good and honorable thing to do. It has the power to restore broken relationships and make them stronger. Would you rather loose your pride or a great relationship? Do the right thing. The perfect time is now.